A Woman's Addiction: Shoes, Clothes, and Accessories

May 17, 2013
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We all know that line women typically say when they get ready to go out. You know that famous one they use when they look at a closet (which is of course overflowing with shoes, shirts, skirts, jeans, purses, dresses, blouses, yoga pants, sweaters-all different colors and styles and material-one for every day of the year: summer clothing, spring clothing, fall, winter, casual, special occasion, exercise *GASP*-I’m just going to say etc. etc.) You know…the “I’ve got nothing to wear!” line? Yea, we’ve ALL heard that line before.

Allow me to give you a little insight to the typical process a girl abides by when deciding what to wear in hopes that you will understand why they take hours to get ready…
Step one: The Clothes


First, we ask ourselves, “What is ‘in’ right now and what is ‘sooo two minutes ago’?” Of course in order to decide, we have to consider a couple of factors: the season, the month, the week, the day, the time of the event, and whether or not the outfit has been seen by what women call, ‘the whole world’. (For example, if it is June the 10th at 3p.m. and it is sunny with a slight breeze at 87 degrees, a sundress would be appropriate. It would have to be the flowy type so that when the breeze hits you, it looks amazing; accessories might include sun hat, sunglasses, and the shoes can either be sandals or flip flops.) This all helps us to narrow it down to the style, length, and color. THEN, we have to pick from the pile that covers our whole bed. Since women almost always have more than one of a kind of a blouse or shirt, it is almost impossible to remember how each one felt and looked like on us—so we must try each one on until we find the best one.
Once we decided on a TOP-we have to hunt for that “perfect” Bottom. That is a whole other section of our closet where the jeans, skirts, shorts, and capris lie. (The closet is split in half somewhat by tops and bottoms. The subcategories are the colors of the rainbow-red, orange, yellow, green, blue, pink and purple. The sub-sub categories of these colors are auburn, burgundy, cardinal, chestnut, crimson, dark red, scarlet, wine, and rose for red; amber, apricot, carrot orange, orange –red, tangerine, pumpkin, and flame for orange; gold, cream, maize, bright yellow, and sunglow for yellow; apple green, bright green, forest green, olive green, green-yellow, olive, mint green, spring green (which is worn in the spring-duh!) and teal for green; azure, baby blue, blue-gray, dark blue, celeste, electric blue, denim blue, turquoise, and royal blue for blue; fandango, bright pink, hot pink, rose pink, mauve, and magenta for pink; and FINALLY, we have amethyst, orchid, fuchsia, lavender, plum, and violet for purple-and this is just to name a few. The sub-sub-subcategory for the colors is the style of the clothing which can be loose or tight fitting or just right. Then, it is classified by the material: cotton, wool, silk, denim, leather, down, and fur. After that, it is classified by length- whether it is sleeve length or leg length. Finally, it is classified by brand. Some of the most popular include: Forever 21, Abercrombie, Hollister, Areopostle, American Eagle, Coach, and Calvin Klein. SO as you can imagine, it takes years to get a perfect closet arrangement.) The same steps are repeated as the Top: choose the ones whose color matches with the top, and whether you want to wear a skirt, short, jeans, or capris, and finally…try them all to see which is the best fit.

Okay, so you’ve got your outfit ready…now for your feet that also deserve to be “dressed to impress”. (I have to ask- who really looks at someone’s feet anyway. All the attention pretty much goes to your upper half unless for some reason you are on the ground while someone passes by but-whatever…lets continue.)
Step two: The Shoes

The Shoes have to be the same color as the majority of your outfit. For example, if you have a red top, go for some red shoes or if you are wearing a yellow flowered blouse, choose shoes that are yellow with little flowers on them. Depending on the event or activity the woman is about to partake in, that’s what directly influences the height of the heel (However, there are those few that either don’t wear heels or try to make themselves look taller all of the time-even if at the end of the day they can’t feel their legs.) If all else fails…Just wear black shoes-black goes with everything. (Next time you to a party or a special event, look at people’s shows, almost always they are black. This is because black is a safe color. If you see someone with the same color shoes with their dress/outfit, they definitely have a large variety of clothing. These are the type of people you should befriend if you are a girl so you can ‘share’ each other’s wardrobe.)
But if you encounter-which is only 4 out of 4 women by the way- a woman who is determined to blow away all of her paycheck just so she can look good, she will go to the store with black shoes (see process above) and go shoe hunting for the perfect pair. If she is lucky and there are shoes on Clearance-she will ‘HAVE TO HAVE IT’. (So she might come home with 20 pairs of shoes.) These are the usual symptoms of a shopaholic- today, 99.999% of women are shopaholics. So guys beware of them because you will suffer from absolutely no closet space for yourself. To get a picture here is an analogy…women are like squirrels: they scavenging for “acorns” of all shapes and sizes and colors, and it’s not just to prepare for the winter-no, they don’t hibernate during the winter-they continue to scavenger ALL YEAR ROUND! (And of course there is a whole process a woman goes through when shopping which is responsible for them to take 4 hours to find a piece of clothing.)

Now let’s say she found her shoes that go perfectly along with her outfit. She’s ready to go out right?? Right?? You wish! Hahaha. Every woman knows that NO OUTFIT is complete without accessories!
Step three: The Accessories

This can either go through the same process…which can take either 20 minutes, or 30 minutes. (The difference in time is due to the untangling of bracelets and or necklaces.) The jewelry has to go with the outfit whether it is the pattern on the blouse, the color, or the color of the sky outside.

There are specific rules to follow when choosing jewelry.
1)
Don’t overdo it. Choose one piece of jewelry you want people to focus on, don’t have a very long, bulky necklace with long dangling earrings because it will seem like they are competing for attention.
2)
When wearing big jewelry, don’t wear prints. (again they will compete for the on-lookers attention)
3)
When wearing colorful jewelry, choose to wear all black or all white.
4)
Don’t wear huge stones. The bigger the stone is, the less real it looks.
When choosing necklace, one must first identify the kind of neckline on the top of one is wearing. Most blouses fall into the category of: V-neck, boat-neck, off the shoulder, strapless, and plunging necklines. Then, depending on the neckline one must choose from a variety of necklaces types (collar, chokers, princess length, matinee length, and opera length) For example, collar necklaces have to be worn with V-necks, boat-necks, or off the shoulder tops; chokes have to be worn with strapless shirts, or plunging necklines; princess length necklaces go well with almost anything (except for non-princesses); matinee length DO NOT go well with plunging necklines (they will fight for attention from onlookers); and opera length necklaces can be worn from day to evening with any neckline (perfect for going to the opera.)

The purse has to match as well AND must also be able to fit the tons of make-up women usually carry around (again, that’s a different process: The make-up must be the same color as the outfit even though sometimes there’s a ridiculous contrast with the skin tone like a neon yellow on a person who recently got a bad tan.) And of course, you need a stylish watch (Black or white will do since those are "safe" colors and go with almost anything.) The watch doesn’t even have to WORK because let’s face it, everyone pretty much uses their phones now a days to check the time.
Step 4: Going out

Okay, so she is ready to go out now-she has her outfit, shoes, accessories, and her luggage full of make-up. You would think that the madness would end there right? Nope, not quite. You see, throughout her whole time out, she will constantly travel to the bathroom to check how she looks: hair, make up, clothes (checking for malfunctions and contemplating whether or not she made the right choice in choosing the right clothes etc. etc. etc.) Either they will travel to the bathroom every 30 minutes or until onlookers think that they have a stomach problem or a weak bladder.

In conclusion, make sure that whatever color outfit you choose, that your shoes and accessories (earrings, necklaces, rings, purses, etc.) are the same color as your outfit (or black/white since they are safe colors.) Which reminds me, I have to be somewhere in a couple of days, and I haven’t even begun shopping-I’ve got nothing to wear.





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