Instagram Unveils X-Ray Feature

March 23, 2013
By geranium SILVER, Elmhurst, Illinois
geranium SILVER, Elmhurst, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All that is gold does not glitter
Not all who wander are lost"
-JRR Tolkien

“Does the lining of my intestine look better with a Mayfair or Earlybird filter?” It’s a common question in Starbucks, cafeterias, and trendy cafes around the world with the emergence Insta-Ray, Instagram’s X-ray feature. The new app allows users to document every step of the digestion process.
“Insta-Ray is #gucci,” said Ashlee Wilkes, 17. “I bought the cutest cupcake yesterday, but I accidentally bit into it before taking a photo. Thanks to Insta-Ray, it wasn’t too late!”
#yummyinmytummy is chock full of pictures of partially digested food. As has always been the case on Instagram, Starbucks products dominate. On a recent Saturday night, a gaggle of girls in Pink pants and Ugg boots clutching Frappucinos and lattes debated whether to snap pictures of their drinks before or after consumption.
“I think we had plans to do something after going to Starbucks,” mused Daria Grayson, 15. “But then we took so many pictures that we never made it out the door.”
Some users enhance the appearance of their digestive tracts using filters and editing. “I like the vintage filters because it makes it look like I ate breakfast in the 60s!” chirped senior Brittany Matthews.
Instagram is built on the theory that everything and everyone looks better in a sepia-toned glow, from the duodenum to the pancreas. Not everyone feels they need the extra boost, though.
“Why mess with perfection?” Mackenzie Zeller, 19, shrugged. She proceeded to take a bite of Greek salad, pose, take an X-ray, and attach the tags #nomakeup and #nofilter. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”
The apps’ popularity does beg the question: how much online sharing is too much?
“I thought it was bad just hearing about what random people eat for lunch,” junior Jonathan Moore said. “Now we have to see it too.”
Repulsed by the endless stream of gastrointestinal photoblogging, some have taken up the battle cry, “No one cares what your esophagus looks like!”
No one can hear them above the clicks of smart phones tapping #peristalsis.

The author's comments:
I cringe with embarrassment when myself and all my friends spend more time taking pictures of food than actually eating it. This is satire, but who knows, maybe it will become reality.

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