As I sit alone in this empty house, listening to nothing but the beating of my own ice cold heart...I can't help but wonder...Why? Why is a world with so much obvious beauty to see and experience so full of people (or at least my generation, it seems) too ignorant to care? Why are there so many beautifully intoxicating feelings to experience, if the world is so full of people who lock themselves away, like I do? People who push the ones they care about most in this world away? Why do we do that? We have an idea in our minds of how the world should be, but if ever we get the opportunity to make that idea come true, we do something so incredibly stupid to screw it up somehow. As soon as a boy starts to get a little too attached, we push him away. Whenever a friend asks something a little too personal, we quickly switch subjects. Which is why, I believe, people like us are classified as loners...we sit alone at lunch, we lock ourselves in our rooms, we convince ourselves that we hate the world and everyone in it. That we are just in that small percentage of people who just prefer to walk alone. We convince ourselves that this is the way the world is supposed to be. On the contrary - I think we do this because we have an understanding that the world is rarely the way it's supposed to be. We are so confused at the sight of human behavior. Why are so many people addicted to shows like Jersey Shore, if all the people on that show are famous for is getting drunk/high and sleeping with perfect strangers? What is so attractive about that lifestyle? It seems like the current generation is more concerned with finding the latest political scandals than they are on the actual political events leading up to the presidential elections in November. If the world was the way it was originally intended to be, cancers and disorders like Autism and Cerebral Palsy wouldn't exist; incidents like the Holocaust or 9/11 or the recent shooting at Chardon High School wouldn't have happened; people wouldn't feel the need to commit suicide or cut themselves or develop an eating disorder. But as weird and out of place as this may seem, I've always held a strong belief in fate, that things happen for a reason. Likewise, I've always believed that fate gives second chances. Despite the stupid mistakes we make, the hard times we are put through - they all eventually lead to the sleepless nights we spend in tears, wondering why we feel this way, only to see the sunrise marking a fresh start through the bittersweet mix of dried tears, those first few glimpses of sunlight, and the knowledge that somehow things will be okay - it's in these quiet moments that you do not really think about until after they've already happened that make up a beautiful life. Little wonders like that get you through the hard times and make up who you are as a person. It gives away the confidence it takes to know that it's up people like us, who understand how the world ought to be, to make a difference in a confused society.
March 19, 2012