The Wonderful World of Facebook This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

December 15, 2011
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What better way to stay connected with friends over the summer than an online social network? We've all put Myspace aside for the new and improved Facebook – obviously – but sometimes we just need a break from all our “friends.” That is, before we become one of the infamous Facebook users who annoy us.

I'm sure if we look at our list of friends, we'll be able to distinguish the Tweeter, Captain Obvious, Mr. and Mrs., the Grammar Nazi, the Liker, the Young and the Clueless, and of course, our friend(s) who type as if they're a Preschooler. For those who may be unfamiliar with these types, here's a primer.

The Tweeter: I have a Facebook. I don't use it 24/7 but nonetheless, I have one. But when I do log on wanting to catch up on what people have been up to, I seem to find the same person monopolizing my news feed. This friend is obviously on the wrong social network. Twenty minutes ago she was going to the beach, 15 minutes ago she forgot her bathing suit, 10 minutes ago she's going back to get it, five minutes ago she's hungry, and a few seconds ago she uploaded a picture of herself eating on the beach. We all hold back from IMing this particular person telling her to “get a life,” when in fact, she clearly has a life and she just won't stop sharing it.

Captain Obvious: On a ship you normally have one captain; Captain Hook, Captain Morgan, Captain Crunch, etc. But on the S.S. Facebook, there are many Captain Obviouses. More than once I've been on my laptop near a window when it begins to pour. Suddenly I'm informed by a quarter of my Facebook friends that they “love the rain so much!!!” or, my personal favorite, “it's raining!”

Mr. and Mrs.: It tears me apart when people break up and their personal drama is all over the Internet, literally. I've done it before, and the feedback I got from it was not positive at all. When I see an couple arguing on Facebook, for the most part bashing each other, I just want to log off. Not to mention the aftermath, that week of being complete enemies. It's annoying, but when you're friends with one or both of them, you have no choice but to sit there and watch the “magic” unfold between Mr. and Mrs.

The Grammar Nazi: If you're a 16-year-old student in high school taking AP English and you post comments on Facebook to correct someone on a misspelled word or a missing punctuation mark, you're a Grammar Nazi. No worries, I'm definitely guilty of it, but unlike many, I know when to hold back. I've also been guilty of misspellings and misplaced commas, which (of course) resulted in another Grammar Nazi rudely calling me out. Needless to say, I deleted the status immediately to avoid looking stupid.

The Liker: Once in a while I get as many as 14 notifications at once. Of course, I get excited and jump to the conclusion that my latest post has been a smash hit! Nope. I have a Liker on my hands. This person “likes” year-old pictures back to back, old posts, new posts, posts about posts, random posts, and posts that only that person would like. Along with a little annoyance, I have an immense feeling of disappointment. I'm not the only one who suffers from a Liker. Apparently, this Liker likes other people's old posts, new posts, posts about posts, random posts, and posts that only that person would like in the same orderly fashion. Look out, it's a Liker Apocalypse – or is it a Creeper?

The Young and the Clueless: One of the most annoying Facebook users yet is the Young and the Clueless, but they're so clueless they have no clue how annoying they are. Do you receive unwanted invites? Weird wall posts that say someone saw you doing something, and tell you to go to a link, then BAM! SPAM! You're clueless. Then it spreads like a virus. Everyone begins clicking a video they (should) know was never taken. My wall is filled with spam, and if I decide to click the video (I won't), it'll spam someone else's wall, and no one wants that.

The Preschooler: Abbreviations are okay, but when you ARe TyypINg Lyke dis, it's just too much. I'm sure a chimp could do better than half the people on my news feed. Sometimes a Grammar Nazi can come in handy when dealing with a Preschooler. Come on, people, “qoinqq 2 dah mall l8r w//my frehns”? This is not tolerable from anyone older than six.

Classifying users is the first step. Now, try your hardest to be your favorite Facebook user, the Normal One.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

kmeep said...
Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:46 pm
This article was really funny. Good job!
Artgirl1999 said...
Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:46 am
It is very rare that I find a nonfiction article on Teen Ink that is grammatically correct, interesting, and funny. This was all of the above! Great work!
BloglessBlogger said...
May 29, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I hope I don't get classified as any of those. But, I know that so many of my 'friends' are like this.
writer3499 said...
May 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm
that was awesome and very entertaining! It was a good topic and was well was fun to read it.  Would you mind commenting on some of my stuff? But GREAT job!!!
Gothica295 said...
May 9, 2012 at 10:06 am
Really enjoyed this article! this is so true about the world of facebook!
dainbramaged This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 8, 2012 at 6:10 pm
This article is so true! I admit to being a grammar Natzi myself. Loved it, so hilarous! 5 stars. :)
Aimeecam423 said...
May 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm
We're all entitled to our own pinion. Every piece of art and work is controversial. Also, I took a risk as should all writers. So again, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm fine with how I wrote this, thanks.
bumblebee_babii said...
May 1, 2012 at 11:36 am
I don't think calling someone a grammar "Nazi" is appropriate . This is gonna cause a lot of controversy . It's mean , derogatory , and disrespectful . I perfer the term grammar freak .
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