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Satirical Essay on Social Media

Today’s society is faced with the continually growing problem of electronics and social media. What used to be considered a precious treasure is now the cause of teenage obesity, lack of concentration, inadequate communication, and above all a far less intellectual society. Cell phones, internet, video games, television all have taken over the youth in society and corrupted them into unimaginative, unqualified, dull robots. Facebook is merely a tool to drain the intelligence from teenagers until they are forced to speak in instant messaging jargon- LOL, OMG, TTYL. Twitter is a mechanism for teenagers to become hermits, living in their rooms updating their statuses every two minutes. Video games and television suck imagination from children’s minds, their eyes becoming plastered to a small pixel screen, their stationary bodies molded into the couch cushions. To stop a calamity like this from happening, there is only one option- abolish electronics and social media completely. If humanity can wipe away everything with batteries, plugs, and wires, people will become a more intellectual, responsive, exciting species on earth.

With government involvement, electronics and social media can easily be wiped away from the planet. Laws can be created making any form of electronics or social media illegal. This would include phones, game systems, and the computer. Batteries can be melted down and broken down parts dumped into land fills. Those found carrying any form of electronics or social media will be given the benefit of the doubt- this is a justice based society- and be given a warning, but the next encounter with technology could lead to life in prison or death. The banning of electronics and social media will create a safer society- less accidents and less health problems. 20/20 Eye sight will quickly increase since children are not staring at screens for hours on end, and driving will become a leisure experience when drivers aren’t dodging busy people on cell phones swerving into the adjacent lanes. The obesity rate for children will be brought down to acceptable levels because there will be no more televisions to watch while a child stuffs his or her face with potato chips. People will be able to laugh out loud not LOL and ROFLing will be no more; if people want to roll on the floor and laugh, they can do so without being constrained to a tedious text message, IM, tweet, or wall post. Teenagers will have to look at a person when talking to them not text or chat, allowing society’s youth to become far better communicators. There will be no more sneaking into the girl’s bathroom to text your BFF about the cute boy that you <3 so much, no more hiding cell phones beneath laps when your teacher thinks you are doing algebra homework. Students will not have to take out a calculator to know five times two equals ten or look on spark notes to understand that Romeo is a Montague and Juliet is a Capulet, all in all, a far more intellectual exuberant society.

Society has overlooked the many other options to solve this growing problem. Having students become educated to perform tasks without calculators, cell phones, or the Internet, raise the price of the most popular, yet least useful electronics, or have schools limit a student’s use of electronics or enforce better rules pertaining to electronics and social media could all be successful solutions but are not acceptable in this busy society. Because of this, abolishing electronics and social media would be the best and only solution to create a thriving society, to save the vivacity and intellect of the next generation of adults- the youth that can be seen at the present moment on cell phones, iPods, Facebook, and Twitter- from mass destruction by the monstrous electronics and social media. Make the right choice and give up your iPods, televisions, computers, and delete your Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter accounts. G2G, TTYL!

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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

GarriStruckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 23 at 4:24 am
LMFAO!!! Yeah, right
JuanJulio said...
Oct. 2 at 6:32 am
Thank you so much!!
khushi said...
Jun. 18 at 3:34 pm
Interesting.... Wants to read !!!
SAIM said...
Apr. 30 at 1:54 pm
It's ironic that I had to stare at this screen for about 7 minutes to read this article :)
Kenan said...
Apr. 16 at 11:19 pm
But social media has become the most effective way of communicating. For example, you just used social media to share your thoughts about it. The government does not need to abolish social media, but somebody needs to teach people how to use it more productively.
guest46433 replied...
Apr. 20 at 6:53 pm
This is a satire, the author doesn't really mean that.
AshleySD replied...
Jun. 2 at 10:17 am
This article is meant to mock people who do think that.
guest123 said...
Feb. 22 at 12:05 pm
this essay is just a persuasive essay. This is great but its lacking the satire part. there is nothing in here thats making fun of your point. This is the theory behind the satire.
swagdude7 replied...
Apr. 10 at 1:31 pm
so is he being serious when he threatens to kill someone for having technology on their person. If not, this is satire
D.C. said...
Mar. 15, 2014 at 1:26 am
This is not satirical at all. It LACKS key points to be satirical. Yes, all satirical essays are PERSUASIVE. Otherwise it is just a rant or stand up comedy.
AshleySD replied...
Jun. 2 at 10:17 am
Go look up the definition of a satire
RicardoWSCAIII said...
Mar. 13, 2014 at 4:42 pm
A little hypocritical don't you think? Using the internet to talk smack about it.
AshleySD replied...
Jun. 2 at 10:18 am
This is a SATIRICAL piece. It is meant to mock people who hate social media.
Awolnation said...
Feb. 25, 2014 at 8:19 pm
I'm confused on how this satirical at all. Where's the use of satire? Other than that, it's pretty good.
Boardercj said...
Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:28 am
This isn't satire at all, this is a persuasive essay.
JordaneM replied...
Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:25 pm
Satires can be written in a persuasive way
ant215 replied...
May 1, 2014 at 11:24 pm
Yeah they persuaded me but not satire at all
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