Recently I was sitting shotgun in our family minivan, a position of power that comes with the added perk of being able to change the radio station. As I was contemplating my newfound power – we usually listen to ྌs hair metal, but now that my father is deployed, I'm looking to change this – my mother started in on another one of our stilted conversations about my future. Stilted, because I was only half listening when we got to the subject of marriage. Instead I was remembering something a friend had told me: that some people have wedding rings tattooed on their fingers. To me that's a shocking level of commitment. We have such short attention spans these days … but back to my mother's one-sided conversation.

“Your dad hasn't worn his wedding ring for a while,” she was saying. I hadn't noticed. I pointed out how in his line of work it's understandable to put his ring someplace safe. She waved me off. “He didn't wear it even before he was deployed. I used to remind him, but it happened so often, I just let it go,” my mother finished, sounding resigned. I asked if that bothered her. She replied with a resounding yes.

My father is not alone. You may remember that Prince William decided not to wear a wedding ring. That's not uncommon in royal marriages, but what about the rest of the world? Here's something to think about: it only became the custom for American men to wear wedding rings in the 20th century. It's not too much of a stretch to say it reflects a change in gender roles. The wedding ring was originally a down payment on the bride. As a symbol of a successfully sold bride, traditionally only the woman got a ring. A wedding ring also indicated that the man was the provider.

These symbolic meanings aren't quite as strong in our minds anymore. Now the wedding ring has become a symbol of forever, of unending devotion. Think about whether it would be more important to have a wedding dress or ring on your big day. The ring takes precedence.

So, in current society, choosing not to wear a wedding ring is choosing not to display an object that ­encompasses what it means to be married. Nevermind that it's a new tradition for men. Women choose not to wear wedding rings sometimes too. But why wouldn't everyone want to? Does it indicate a lack of desire to get married in the first place? If your spouse chooses not to wear a wedding ring, can you trust him or her to wander the aisles of the grocery store alone? It's easy to imagine this leading to heated discussions ­between spouses.

Let me be frank. The fact that a ring has become the most important symbol of commitment is the problem. The fact that we choose to rely on a ring as the biggest outward expression of our love is troubling. Think about another ritual associated with weddings
– the reading of vows. Couples stand up in front of witnesses – friends, family, clergy, boss, God, and so on – and declare their willingness to spend forever together. Just how important is a ring after that?

And so just as sitting shotgun won't get me anywhere with the radio – both my parents love the ྌs – wearing a wedding ring won't make your spouse love you any more than he or she already does, and it won't make him or her more faithful. Unless, of course, you manage to wrestle him/her into a tattoo parlor for matching rings. There's probably something to be said for that.