Types of Pants

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Despite being a seemingly easy task, the purchasing of jeans is a surprisingly difficult. There are several different fits of pants for males and females, along with thousands of options ranging in colors, shapes, and cuts to choose from. However, we rarely ever find our perfect fit, despite the simplicity.

The Too Tight Jeans
Have you ever been exposed to seeing things you never wished to see? This happens too often when one is a victim of the too-tight pants. This style requires a specific body type -- one that many men do not have. They often hold their breath just to squeeze into said attire, while everything else seems to spill out. These fabrics begin to hug in all the wrong places, accentuating all of the wrong features. This, ladies and gentlemen, is not an intelligent selection of pants unless you have body fat of 2% and no body shape. Therefore, when purchasing your new pair of pants, make sure it is appropriate to your body shape or you may start falling out of your jeans.

The "My Mom Bought These Two Years Ago" Pants
Styles of pants change year to year. It is common that different washes, shapes, and fits will be acceptable for your year. Most often then not, jeans that are semi-loose, darker wash, and the right length are a safe bet. Yet, it is perfectly clear to the trained eye to notice when a man or women, but most commonly a man, did not indeed even see a pair of pants pre-purchase. This is clear because they rarely reach the appropriate ankle length and/or color per skin tone ratio. Therefore, do not let your mother buy you jeans past age 15 -- you will be completely unsatisfied.

The "Low-Rida"
New trends are showing females parts of men that they never wanted to see, specifically, their hind quarters. Every year, pants have been getting sufficiently lower and lower. Soon, it will be fashionable to wear your pants around your ankles. It has also escalated in the realm of covered to non-covered. The percent ratio has gone from about 50% covered and 50% bare to more than 85% bare 15% covered. The whole butt becomes visible through even the most exotic boxer patterns. This is one of the most terrible crimes of pant treachery.

Therefore, the horror of pant selection we see in the modern world prevails to be self evident. This is a severe issue that must be addressed by not only those responsible but also by witnesses of such a crime. Stop allowing your fellow citizens to commit a horrid fashion faux-pas. We can begin to save the world one pair of pants at a time.





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