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Flying Spaghetti Monster, Obama, and Statues of Robocop
I’m sure your grandfather often sits you down on his knee, and tells you stories of the olden golden days, when George Foreman was president, and they had these weird things called ’radios.’
But when he tells you these stories, do they ever involve robots acting as cops, or flying monsters made out of spaghetti?
(Though they would be far more interesting if they did)
But, alas, these stories often center around pioneers, cheap candy, Chinese men’s vans, and bad television reception.
At the end of said stories, you must feel inclined to ask, “What of the Pastafarians?”
To which your grandfather will either only half hear you, and reply, “Yes, pasta tasted good back then,” or he will ask, “What the flim-flam is a Pastafarian?”
Of course, then your Grandmother will gasp, and state, “Don’t cuss in front of the grandchildren!”
Then you shall have to ask, “How is ‘flim-flam’ a cuss?”
To which your grandmother will respond by making you stand in a corner to ‘think about what you’ve done.’
Pastafarian is loosely defined as ‘A worshipper and follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.’
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is an ancient and divine being that created all of humanity.
So if the most amusing thing our ancestors had was Chinese men’s vans, why has our generation been blessed with such an amazingly awesome thing as the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Because our generation is weirder, stupider, funnier, but a generally more creative generation than any before us.
Also, we like amazingly awesome things.
Your Grandfather remembers the days when people voted for their president because they thought he’d be a good leader.
Now, it may just be judged on the color of the person’s skin.
It sounds racist at first, but it’s actually quite the opposite.
You see, it is generally believed that Barack Obama won the 2008 election because people just thought it would be AWESOME.
That it would be awesome to be in the generation that elected the first black president.
Which, you gotta admit, it kind of is.
No matter how bad a job Obama does, you’ll still be able to tell your kids, “I was there when the black man beat the white man into submission.”
But you also must remember how close McCain came to winning.
You can’t forget…
She looks like Tina Fey.
They could be twins.
Ergo, black president, or Tina Fey-esque vice president.
Tough choice, yah, but we worked it out in the end.
Another example of how our generation generally focuses on the ‘awesome factor’ is DETROIT.
On Monday, February 7th, the Mayor of Detroit received the following Tweet:
“Philadelphia has a statue of Rocky, & Robocop would kick Rocky’s butt. He’s a great ambassador for Detroit.”
To which Mayor Dave Bing Tweeted back,
“There are no plans to erect a statue to Robocop. Thank you for the suggestion.”
Well, needless to say, there are now very official plans, (and very sufficient funds), to erect a statue of Robocop in Detroit.
With more than $60,000 dollars raked in from donations from across the world, Detroiter, John Leonard, and some pro-statue makers, are set on making Robocop statue a reality.
Our generation kicks flim-flamming butt.
R’amen, and praise the pirates.