Thanks Facebook

August 31, 2010
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I would like to thank you, Facebook, for all of your hard work in improving the lives of teenagers across the world. You distract from important tasks and cause unnecessary drama. Thank you, Facebook. However, there are a couple of areas that I think you can improve on, if not completely transform. I wish that you respect my advice and seriously consider it for the well-being of your users.
First off, I feel that your “poke” option is promoting avoidable aggression. Pokes are synonymous with violent words such as thrust, jab, punch, and prod. I highly respect and understand that your original intention in creating “pokes” was to create an easy and personable way to flirt with the opposite sex. Although this general idea does relieve the pressure of having to think of something clever to say, the word “poke” is poorly chosen. Sure, some people are successful using a “poke” in their mating ritual, but I feel that a “hug” or a “clasp” would be more appreciated in modern society. Receiving a warm “clasp” would be much more satisfying than a cold, hurtful “poke”.
While we are in the teen relationship and mating area, I would also like to bring up another function of yours that should be modified. You should primarily understand that you control the basis of all relationships in today’s youth. Once you fully comprehend that FBO, or a facebook official relationship, is the most important step any couple can take, I recommend that you consider changing the high humility that you bring to youth when these relationships expire. Now, I don’t ask that you stop posting the news on everyone’s home page. No. My request is simple. I ask that you revolutionize the symbol of a breakup that accurately denotes the end. You should change it to a picture that demonstrates optimism and remove the broken heart that is currently representing the crushing of teen souls and hardening the already intensive blow felt by the break-upee of today’s being.
In addition, it would be very appreciated if you could make it easier to find unknown people across the country to friend request. Any facebook user knows that it makes another individual mysterious and quite charming when you look on their page and see that they are now friends with 22-year old Cinnamon from Ohio. Although Cinnamon may in truth be a 72-year old man who lives with his cats, there is no way for anyone to access the truth, allowing for the user’s sexy mystique to remain.
Speaking of mysterious drama, if you see that an outrageous picture or comment is posted at any time, I believe that it would be best if you immediately move it to the homepage for the next 24 hours. This will ensure that those who are just briefing the site and not hardcore stalking will be able to witness the breakthrough gossip easily. This may seem unnecessary at first, but I guarantee that all users will see the outrageous post soon enough. By posting it to the home page news feed, you are saving everyone time and electricity.
I also feel that you need to update the status situation. Logging on and seeing exactly how many seconds ago a friend posted a status is unacceptable. In order for people to truly understand their friends, I think that you should also provide a brief interpretation underneath each status. For example, if Anna Brown “is walking down the boulevard or broken dreams” 14 seconds ago, it would be very useful to know her complete motive in posting this. After all, there is no better friend than a facebook friend, and all users should easily be able to know everything and anything about any one of their friends.
Lastly but most importantly, dear Facebook, you should seriously take into consideration Farmville. I highly suggest that Farmville is removed as an optional application. Instead, every facebook member should be forced to participate. It isn’t fair that only some people take care of their farms and display maximum responsibility while others just sit around and watch YouTube videos. Farmville is highly addictive and motivating duty that all should be accountable for. I believe that if you enforce Farmville, you will be stimulating our dire economy because people will be obliged to pay others to take care of their farms while on vacation, creating a fresh new outlet for currency.
Thank you for your time Facebook; for I know that you have a lot of notifications and bumper sticker requests to get to work on. Please consider the above advice because I truly believe that it will help not only you, but all of your users and the world in general. Make the right decisions. Your work will not go unnoticed.

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SamiLynn said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 11:51 am
hy-ster-i-cal :D
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