Restless & Exposed: Pt. 1

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3.37 a.m.

I sit here. Restless. My mind racing with many thoughts as my cell phone buzzes with "New Message" every other minute. Yet, I don't complain.

Every now and then I think about the one word that many use loosely and one that others fear: love. What is it? What does it feel like? What does it mean? To answer your question, I don't know. I don't know and I'm not afraid to admit it. What puzzles me is how we compare this powerful feeling to the roses, the sun, and even the deepest of valleys that we can fall into. This may be just another note to you and whoever else chooses to read it. But at this early hour of the day, it's from the heart. We spend much of our lives trying to figure out who we are simply because we mold ourselves to become who we THINK others WANT (or need) us to be. We talk about "doing me" (or you, whichever you prefer) and "swagg" but was is it really? When you look in the mirror, what truly defines you? This life brings laughter and tears, but before you can live and enjoy it, you must accept and embrace who YOU are inside and out. Self-love. That real love between you AND God (or whichever you prefer). But let's continue...

There is no word to describe the heart that we have as individuals. You can flip through every version of Webster and trust me, it won't work! I won't speak for everyone much more, but I will say that I have found myself in so many situations where I was hurt, hurting someone else, or just down right out the box. As I flip through my journals (yes, more than one) I am amazed at how things are starting to turn around. Why? Because the beauty of a struggle is the success that comes in the end (yes!). I, just like every one else, has got to keep pushin'. Things don't come easy for anyone and they surely won't get any easier. You can have all the money and material things, the hearts of millions of people, but that still may never be enough. I look at so many beautiful people around me who hide behind a smile or a new pair of shoes, make-up, what have it, call it what you want to. But you know what! (Do you know?!) If you are reading this right now, I tagged you for a reason, and if I didn't tag you, either I forgot, ran out of room, or something pulled you this way. You ARE beautiful. You ARE amazing. This isn't just a random motivational quote that I pulled out of my inbox. This is me. Erica Nichole. No strings attached. In this world you get one thing for free. That thing is life. (And that's barely free itself!). And no matter what you do, you got to live it! Nobody reaches triumph without tribulations (let's look at some of our celebs).

I've cried so many cries and sighed so many sighs but in the end, I look back on that pain and those mistakes and I thank God that I get another day. Another minute. Another second. We hold on to so much from the past that at times, we miss our blessings. We blind ourselves with the expectations of others so much that we forget that our own brain and personal standards even exist. (If you're still reading this, bless yo' heart!). You don't have to see that light at the end of the tunnel to figure out that you have everything and then some to be thankful for. You set goals. You stick to them. You believe! When they say nobody is perfect, I epitomize the word imperfection! But do you know what? (Do you know?!) THAT is what makes me who I am. A beautiful mess. And there is no shame in my game! But I ask that as you take these words into perspective, you step outside of yourself. You look at all that is going on and you let God, Allah, The Creator (whichever title you choose) to work!

My heart is as big as my head (seriously. Lol!). And whoever you are, and wherever you sit (or stand) at this moment, you keep living and you keep running. And if you fall, pick yourself UP, dust yourself OFF, and you keep running! You live, you laugh, you love and you learn, baby! Very rarely do we get second and third chances (trust me, I know!). So you make the best of all that you have now. Stop taking things for granted! Stop taking people for granted! (Caution: You cannot please everybody so get that out of your mind!). You seize every opportunity and take Carpe Diem to a whole new level.





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KendisPiper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 12:20 am
never stop writing, this was beautiful
 
JatiaE. said...
May 23, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Your writing is Awesome and honest, i appreciate the fact that you wrote and posted what you felt and thought instead of what sounded better . thankss and keep writing. =))))
 
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