Ideally, I imagined middle school to be an extraordinary experience full of new friendships and adventure. My middle school experience was quite the opposite. At first, everything met my expectations, but it didn’t take long for my life to start spiraling down. Through many ultimatums and terrible choices, I lost everything and everyone that mattered to me. How could I expect the best, yet lose everything I wanted so quickly?
Three in four teenagers say that relationships usually begin at this time. As I look back on my life throughout middle school, I realized that I would seek relationships as my priority. I would revolve my life around school and friends because of the absence of my family. I felt as though I had no one, but my friends. I had succumb to what society had perceived as that will give you eternal happiness, relationships. I got into a relationship with a guy, ignorant of how terrible he was. My friends started to say hurtful things in order to convince me to end the relationship. They firmly believed that the guy I was with was abusive and controlling, yet I never believed them. Eventually, my friends gave up on me and I had fallen from the crest.
As time went on, I realized that their accusations were not shortcomings. The longer I stayed, the guy became overbearing, forcing me to do horrible things. He forced himself upon me, and I would've left him, but my friends were gone. He held me captive. It was too late. I had done terrible things because of him, I was afraid of him exposing me. He was overprotective, and he would never allow me to talk to other guys in fear of me cheating. Ironically, he had done so three times. On top of all of that, he left. It was bad enough when he left, but that he had told me that he didn't love me anymore.
I'd stay up late at night, losing sleep over asking myself “Do I deserve to live?” I figured that there was no point, so I grasped onto the rope that held my life, but it broke. I thought of this a sign that I should give life another try, and even throughout the throbbing pain within my heart, I tried to recreate my life. I joined Boys and Girls Club, where I had found new friends that eventually relieved me of my pain. I fixed the relationships I had with my old friends, and despite how long it took to become fully happy, it happened. I realized that I had actually been more hurt by what he did to me rather than him leaving. It’s as if my depression overcame my soul like a virus corrupting my body. My depression held me back from living the life I had, it was as if I had been wearing a suit of armor the whole time, until two years later it came off.
My friend went through a state of depression as well. When he told me that, I was surprised because he’s one of the most enthusiastic people that I know. He too wanted to end his life, but he decided to things before he committed to it. Doing those things actually made him forget of his pain and realize his love for life. Now, he is the complete opposite of what he was before. He’s happy, and the pain is gone.
It's amazing to me to think that I once wanted to end my life, but now I can't even imagine not wanting my life. As cliché as it sounds, I realized that with every painful and heartbreaking problem I face, I will always be happy in the end. One of those who had broken my heart once, had told me a statement by Lance Armstrong, “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or even a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”