When I was little I watched the interactions between my mom and her mom, my grandma. My grandma and grandpa, my mom’s parents, went through a divorce when my mom was eight. My mom and my grandma’s interactions on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas aren’t always the prettiest. Many times they yell at each other and argue. As a little girl I didn’t quite understand why they were fighting but now, as a fourteen year old I have noticed that it is an outcome of the divorce they all went through. My mother has many nights cried because she longs to be closer to her mom. The divorce they went through tore their family apart. As a young girl I have realized how valuable a mother daughter relationship is, seeing my mom longing for that relationship tears me apart. This is why I believe that divorce affects kids lives, futures, and relationships.
My mom tells me stories about her childhood all the time, she has said that since her father wasn’t as active in her life because of the divorce that she was longing for a guys’ attention. I see this happening all the time with kids that go through a divorce, they long to be accepted and loved. Especially if one of their parents is granted full custody, they long for that attention from the parent that they lost. Divorce creates feelings of depression, including sadness, longing, and worry. “Clearly, divorce can create lingering feelings of sadness, longing, worry, and regret that coexist with competent psychological and social functioning." (Rappaport). These feelings stated above are definitely clear in kids lives that have gone through divorce. What I see happening all the time is that kids feel like they were the reason their parents got divorced, that they caused the divorce.
I have noticed that divorce is no longer as frowned upon as it used to be. It is now looked at as a second chance for the individuals to be happy. “Instead of divorce being taboo and frowned upon, people now view divorce as a second chance to be happy.” (Jolivet). This simply states that divorce is no longer as frowned upon as it used to be. It is now looked at as a second chance for the individuals to be happy. As soon as things get tough they break it off because they think that they will be happier with someone else. Then as soon as they are separated they bring the dating game into their family, trying to find a boyfriend or girlfriend and going on many dates. The adults are no longer focused on their kids but instead focused on finding their next spouse. Which creates more of a break in the parent-kid relationship, because the kids no longer get attention from their parents.
Here is an analogy for those of you that don’t quite agree with me yet. Think of super glue, when you get it stuck on your fingers then you press your fingers together. As you pull your fingers apart it is quite difficult, but then when they are finally separated there are remains from the other finger still on your fingers. You cannot stick your fingers back together as strong as they were the first time. It’s exactly like divorce, marriage is a strong bond, then when you try to break it apart it hurts, then when the marriage is finally broken you carry baggage with you from that person. That marriage will never be able to go back together as strong as it was at first.
Divorce is a monster, created by two people that committed to each other but then broke that commitment. I believe that this shouldn’t even be introduced into a family.
RAPPAPORT, SOL R. "Deconstructing The Impact Of Divorce On Children." Family Law Quarterly 47.3 (2013): 353-377. Academic Search Elite. Web. 27 Sept. 2016.
JOLIVET, KENDRA RANDALL. "The Psychological Impact Of Divorce On Children: What Is A Family Lawyer To Do?." American Journal Of Family Law 25.4 (2011): 175-183. Academic Search Elite. Web. 27 Sept. 2016.