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Thursday, July 3, 2014 11:48 pm

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No, you can’t always get what you want…
No, you can’t always get what you want…
No, you can’t always get what you want…

The easy guitar sounds slip out my truck’s cracked window as I speed along the road home. And I think it’s the words of that old Rolling Stones song that make me realize somethin

***

I hear my name called. I won the fist award of the Gloria Shields Workshop closing ceremony - a scholarship for my high school. I win the second award as well. Recognition for the $500 scholarship. I don’t actually win it, but it’s okay.

Victoria and Darci walk in the large room, tears still in their eyes. Love cov, I think. That’ll do it. Jeanne gives me and two others her Great Writer award, along with some funky blue glasses with yellow moustaches attached.

Scott and Chris leap up on stage and throw awards in the air and make a big show of themselves. It’s beautiful. A beautiful way to end the workshop, and I hope they always end it that way.

Then it ends for real. Another life-changing workshop. The staff all crowds for pictures and such, then crowds the elevators to get their luggage, then crowds the lobby looking for parents and pick-ups.

Just a few days before, Alyssa, Molly, Victoria and I dragged Will into our hotel room since Austin left and he was all alone. We made him watch stand-up comedy since we all desperately wanted to hear him laugh. He never shows any emotion. And finally, John Mulaney did the trick.

Soon Darci and Anna Kate came to our room, and then four more, and then almost all of the staff was in our room playing Evil Apples until Hale told us to go to bed.

Just a few hours before that, we were at the dance, watching nerdy white kids try to groove. When the tutus came, we left, as usual.

A day before then, Will invited my room to go get ice cream at Marble Slab. And as we were leaving, all full of sugar at 10:45 pm, Molly told Will and I that she had drank before, and I told Will and Molly something about myself, and Will didn’t tell us anything because he’s never been rebellious. And we became friends.

A month before then, I laughed as the one person who deserved to trip at graduation, actually did trip at graduation. A few days before that, I was saying bye to the seniors on staff and one senior in the parking lot, trying to hold back tears.

A few weeks before that, Angela started talking to me again.

A few months before then, Angela stopped talking to me.

A few weeks before that, Breann started talking to me again.

Half a year before then, Breann stopped talking to me.

Within the time that Breann stopped talking to me, the band had just gotten fifth at Grand Nationals, but all I was thinking about was why Ethan would hug Taylor and not me.

Last August, I became best friends with Jared.

Last July, I cried in a room full of strangers that knew me better than anyone else because they listened to me read about how I felt about myself, and I listened to them do the same, and promised that I would keep in touch with Scott, David, Chris and the rest of them all.

Last June, Ethan broke up with me, and my world ended for over half a year except for four days in July.

Last February, Ethan asked me to be his girlfriend.

Last January, I made a terrible decision.

December 2012, I was an entirely different person, put in a journalism class I thought was a mistake

***

So as I’m driving home from seeing the movie Tammy with Molly, Victoria, Alyssa and Will - definitely the new group of friends I’ve been needing without realizing it - I listen to The Rolling Stones. And I realize:

You can’t always get what you want…
But if you try sometime, you just might find…
You get what you need.



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