Listen to listen. | Teen Ink

Listen to listen.

January 15, 2014
By compassion GOLD, Nowhere, Other
compassion GOLD, Nowhere, Other
12 articles 17 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
Expect to have hope rekindled,expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways! The dry seasons in life do not last,the spring rains will come again.


Seeing Cary relish on a big chunk of chocolate all crammed up in her tiny mouth, her mom, Rita shouted across the hall reminding her to rinse her mouth properly thereafter.
"Sure mom" Little Cary replied in as much loud voice as Rita's. Like many other instructions kids get from elders, Rita too has many in her lot and this admonition was just one of the many that she received on a daily basis.

"Mom?" Cary called out.
Rita turned around to face Cary at the door, her mouth and corners of lip still stained with the dark chocolate that she just had. Aghast, Rita went in to a harangue that made poor Cary wish she found some way out of this yet another miserable oration from her mom. "Cary how could you disobey me. How many times have i told you its for your good that we instruct you? Why cant you do a small thing as washing your mouth? I should never let you have sweets, you adamant child. Now go and get your mouth cleaned before a single word proceeds from your mouth!"
"But mom...." Cary discontinued her justification as Rita turned back to her computer screen and continued on with her work as if ignorant of Cary's presence there. Cary took tiny steps to the kitchen, took a bottle of mineral water from the lower racks. You see, there had been no supply of water from the taps and Cary wanted her mom to turn on the water motor. If only she was given a chance to tell that!
Rinsing her mouth off Cary pondered aloud 'Uh oh. Another one to put up with! I didn't ask her if i could use this for washing......'
Two 'mistakes' for a haste, huh?


The author's comments:
Please comment with utter honesty. Along with your genuine comment please mention a 5 if you think the writing is good but i can do better, a 4 if it is readily understandable with out any errors, a 3 if it required re-reading or sometime to get the hold of it. Thank you.

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This article has 7 comments.


on Apr. 18 2014 at 11:50 am
Nerdydragon SILVER, Wichita, Kansas
9 articles 14 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown the sun
When a good man goes to war

Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and the dark will rise
When a good man goes to war

Demons run, but count the cost
The battle's won, but the child is lost”
― Steven Moffat

3/5 :/ Good work thus far, but I thought it was just a tad off-kilter. I can't pin-point what precisly. But keep it up :)

on Apr. 6 2014 at 3:19 am
compassion GOLD, Nowhere, Other
12 articles 17 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
Expect to have hope rekindled,expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways! The dry seasons in life do not last,the spring rains will come again.

You made my day with your utter honesty. Thanks a ton. I really appreciate your review :) Will keep them in mind.

on Apr. 5 2014 at 9:46 am
Shade3043 DIAMOND, Shade3043 Did This, In Case Of Anonymous, Other
87 articles 0 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I was a boy, I would always hear scary things in the news and my mother would say to me, "Always look for the helpers. Everywhere you look you will always find people helping." - Fred Rogers

Whoops. *Adamant

on Apr. 5 2014 at 9:44 am
Shade3043 DIAMOND, Shade3043 Did This, In Case Of Anonymous, Other
87 articles 0 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I was a boy, I would always hear scary things in the news and my mother would say to me, "Always look for the helpers. Everywhere you look you will always find people helping." - Fred Rogers

While there was nothing extremely wrong with it, I do have a few problems. There are some grammatical errors, but I can overlook those. The word selection was, at times, really odd. For example, "adament child," at least to me, has more of positive spin than a negative one.  It's good, I liked it, but it could use work. 3.75/5

on Feb. 24 2014 at 10:03 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Haha, whoa, is this peice suppose dto be fuuny? Because I thought it was really funny. (: I've always thought that you're a witty writer! And I honestly love this piece! :D 5/5 for me. <3

Asherton said...
on Jan. 23 2014 at 8:45 am
Asherton, Brooksville, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single footstep.

I really like it <333

on Jan. 23 2014 at 6:49 am
Fallen_ PLATINUM, Quakertown, Pennsylvania
25 articles 3 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
" a shattered world is only an opening into a new beginning with laughs, smiles, and love all around enter the world of the light and away from the broken darkness"

Alright a couple questions what were you trying to do and was this about a bad mom to involved with her work then her kid or the abusive streak that you can kinda interpet to the way you show her to be. I liked your word chocie like justifcation helped make the story come along better. Your imagery and the responses were spot on like at hte end " uh-oh guess thats two mistakes now huh?" had be laughing. Really really good job just need to know what you were trying to do. rated it a 5/5 star


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