Tired of

December 10, 2013
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I wonder why it hurts so much that he left me there crying and feeling like I was to blame? Why did I sit there and wait for him to say we are done or this is not going to wait? Why did I have to wait for him or why did I have to date him? All I feel is pain and hurt because I don’t know what to do. I thought he cared for me but he threw me out like I was a piece of trash. I cared for him and he said he stopped caring. What did I do for you to stop caring about me? I want to know the answer but I won’t get the answer and I may never. I let him into my mind and it has destroyed me. I trusted him when I never trust anybody and I felt like he just laughed at me with his eyes for telling him this. He never let me in, he set up a brick wall and never let me through and I let him through. Why couldn’t he let me through like I let him through? I trusted and cared for him that I let him in but he just stabbed me in the back and threw out my heart like it was nothing. Like I was not a person I was just that girl he was using for something and when he got it he let me fall and drown. How is that fair? I could have let him drown so many times but I didn’t, I stayed by his side when he needed me but when I needed him, he was nowhere to be found.
I hate myself for letting him up my heart and filling it with lies. It was all lies. Nothing was the truth, he never cared, liked, or trusted me. I was never his, I was a object to him and nothing more but he is always on my mind and I talk about him because the pain hurts that nobody gets. Yes I may put on a tough girl act but I have feelings and those feelings didn’t matter to him. I was nothing more to him. He did not have to deal with me. I am tired of thing of him, tired of talking, tired of feeling, tired of feeling the pain he left me with. I am just tired of him, tired of seeing him, tired of hearing him, tired of everything about him. I just want him gone so I can stop being tired of him and have a life and move on from him. He doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t think, talk about me. He had forgotten me like I was a memory that was so bad. But I wasn’t I liked him a lot and I miss what we had but we can never get that back can I? He let me go, he let me walk away now I have to move forward and forget him. That is what I have to do.

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JackShadow22 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 24, 2013 at 9:42 pm
I liked it, very much actually and it was touching, but I felt confused. My only question though: Did he walk out on you or did you walk out on him? The beginning and end exhibit this, respectively.
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