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The First Move

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"The friendzone". That place in relationship limbo where girls send boys (or boys send girls) to stew in their feelings. "Should I tell her? Should I risk our friendship". I think if we analysed the situation, you'd find it's not so complicated; and if it is, it's because you made it so.

An ever growing growing argument between the genders today is that of "who should make the first move". Personally, I believe it should me the male. Men are very willing to be the stronger, braver and more macho gender until it comes to girls; then suddenly they are marshmallow soft and "too shy". The worst part is that they expect us females to make a move and then complain about being put into the "friendzone". Here's a golden nugget of information for males that I'm not sure if they know: Girls LIKE having male friends. We like to know that there is a guy who would willingly braid our hair, paint our nails and hold our purses in town because it makes us believe that there are still worthwhile guys out there. Why girls don't often end up falling for them in the end, I will never understand. Maybe it's because deep down, we know your motives.

Here's the scary truth, boys and girls: If you like someone but you don't define the relationship early on, nothing can happen. Think of it this way, if you ask someone out and they say no, you can move on; if they say yes, you get a relationship out of it. I know it's frightening, but it HAS to be done because if you don't you can spend a ton of time in uncertainty and when you finally pluck up the courage, 5 years down the line, and they shoot you down... that's going to hurt a whole lot more.

Personal experience time. I once liked a boy and I liked him for ages and I was so shocked when he asked me out. I found out that he had only asked me out because his friend had begged him to so that we could all go on a double date. Of course, he did actually like me but I didn't really know that at the time and I didn't fully tell him how I felt either. Four years down the line, we had the proper, full conversation we had been waiting for and I was ecstatic. Here's the funny part, though: the next day I saw him and it was like all my feelings were gone. He was my friend. We never ended up together. It sounds cruel but it turns out all I needed was closure. And I realise now that I wouldn't have wasted so much time in misery and despair if we'd got it all out in the open earlier. We're still friends and I still like all the things I liked about him before, just platonically now and I'm really happy. I just wish one of us had had the guts to do it sooner.

So, one of three things need to happen in society to solve this conundrum:
1) Females need to STOP enjoying having male friends.
2) Males need to START enjoying having female friends.
or 3) We need to start speaking our minds earlier on.

The first two are unlikely, but surely the third is achievable. Challenge yourself. Talk to him/ her. Don't get too attached to anyone of the opposite gender (or of the same gender if you're that way inclined) unless you know the status of your relationship. Let's start a revolution, teens. If you're open about your feeling, your happiness is inevitable, maybe not immediately, but in the long run.



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