As I grow up being a teenager, I didn't knew life would suck so much. When I was a kid, I was wishing for just one thing. To grow up already. Now that I'm considered a teenager, I didn't think it would be hard to live your life. Dealing with friends, crushes, family and lastly yourself. I thought as a kid being a teenager is cool; being involved with your cousin's conversation, going out with friends without any supervision, being who you wanna be. But that's exactly the opposite of what and who I am right now. I did grow up too fast not knowing the consequences. Then there's the peak in your life where you just wished that you could have enjoyed your childhood days laughing and enjoying your youth. As a teenager as I am today, I've experienced a lot of depression, anxiety, happiness, insecurities and the feeling of being unloved. There comes a time where I hated myself too much that lead me to do the wrong thing. I've considered doing suicide and nobody ever knows that until now. It's just me and myself. I once asked myself why do other teens do suicide? Then, I happen to answer my own question. It's because they're lonely and they need someone to be there for them. I am lonely and I am depressed. Sometimes people can't handle things on their own. And dealing with friends? It's hard too. All I ever wanted was to have a very best friend I can be with. Dealing with worthless things makes your life miserable. Trust me. Trying new things may help but I think I'm not ready yet. But at least try an effort for a change to make your life a bit worth living for and a smile won't hurt. I may have problems stating who I am and showing what I really do feel, it's because I'm too scared to hurt people's feelings and feel bad about it. I can't sleep the whole night thinking about it. How's that? But little by little, I'm taking steps for a change and standing up for my own. Maybe being a teenager isn't all about perfection. Being a teenager is all about having flaws that makes you who you are and who you will be in the next generation.
March 8, 2013