I don't think you realize the impact of your choices. Don't think you stood and thought about what it all came down to. How you could have left your children behind I'll never know. Just walked out of their life not giving a crap. Left them to their own pain and inner turmoil. Years of wondering why you didn't want them. Wondering what was wrong with them. Was your love too much to ask for? Was someone to hold them, and cherish them, and love them too much to grovel for? Did thinking about someone else blow your tiny selfish mind? Was setting aside your own demons too much to ask for? NO. Instead you created more. Birthing anger and despair in your selfish decision. Giving life to the hurt you suffered at the hands of your own parents. You didn't break the chain, you created another link. Now I ask, do YOU feel better NOW? Now that you've done the same to your own kids. Do YOU feel satisfied? Do YOU feel sated? NO? Then WHY? Why did you create this MONSTER? This pain I can't ever slay. These tears I constantly shed over something or someone I'm not even sure is worth it. These questions go unanswered for years. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with with me. You're the one who did this. There's something wrong with YOU.
November 7, 2012