Complicated Love

November 5, 2012
I've liked a guy for going on 3 years. Ever since I first said hi to him I knew he was an amazing guy...

I still remember the first time we met. I was in 7th grade and was reading twilight in an office chair. My uncle was rein-listing me back into school after 3 weeks of being home schooled so that I could help my aunt (who is my adopted mother) pack my cousin's stuff before he was deployed to Iraq.

I was sitting there reading when a tall dark hair guy, a tall red head, and what looked like a biker walked into the office. At first I just kind of shrugged off the fact that the red headed boy was cute, but once I listened, I could hear that they were going to be new kids at my school. My uncle, being the old fashioned country man he is, decided he was going to introduce me to the red head, the other boy and the biker. At first I was awkward, especially since I usually am when I first meet people. But after I found out the "biker' was their dad, the red head was named Elijah and his older brother was William. Now William was cute, but there was something about Elijah that drew me to him. After a few days, me and Elijah became pretty good friends. We hung out at school in our classes together and on field trips, but the best stuff happened in 8th and 9th grade. I can still remember he decided to go out with the biggest tramp in school. Why?? I have no idea. But I still accepted him even though he did. How could I not?

I always think about him and talk about him. Even till this day. My favorite days were in the last months of 9th grade. First the signs that he might like started the day of school after we went to the same Godsmack concert together. We were sitting in the auditorium watching a movie with the rest of the freshman class. Though me and Elijah weren't watching, we talked the whole time. Both of our necks hurt from head banging and I was tired of holding my neck up so I asked if I could put my head on his shoulder. He said "sure". So I did, and he put his head on mine. I swear my heart skipped so many beats. My stomach felt all fluttery inside. Then a few other times during lunch when we all hung out outside he would hug me from either the front or behind and set his head on top of mine. These were the first times I started to consider that maybe he does like me.

The worst part was the summer. I traveled all summer, never getting to see him until a week before school started. I had told him I like him but he had never told me he likes me back.

I remember the Wednesday before school started we had a church prayer walk and afterwards we went to sonic. Elijah and me talked a lot until his brother William decided to call Elijah my boyfriend. Making it awkward for us. And yet after all of that, once Elijah was leaving he gave me this smile... It was the kind of smile that made my soul flutter, my stomach twist and my heart melt. It was the kind of smile that said: I like you...

Once school started I was so excited to see him, but he wasn't there. I asked his brother where he was and he told me something that hit me hard. "Elijah had to move to Utah.." I kept my head high and held back all the tears until I was safe in my room. There I let it all out. Why him? WHY?? I couldn't find he answer.

Finally I got his new number and sent him a text. He finally admitted he likes me. But he lives in Utah... I can't wait to see him this Christmas break.

He always makes me feel calm when I'm mad, he cheers me up when I'm sad, and always makes me smile. Even by just talking to me. Though we probably won't be together, I have NEVER felt this way about someone or had someone make me feel like all I need is him. I think this is love. Actually for me it is love. Its just a Complicated Love.

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