I’m fading away, getting on my knees, tired of pretending being fine, Tired of smiling, tired of being there when someone needs me while I’m here alone and lonely. Tired from holding my tears, tired of saying:”I’m fine” when I’m definitely falling apart. Just like a rock that’s on a sea cost, hit day and night by the waves, disarmed in front of a terrible sea. Pieces of me are taken away, snatched by the strength of impact. Whenever someone is hurt, sad or desperate, I heal him, talk to him, and stand by his or her side. But now I am once again facing my doubts, pains and sorrow by myself. Once again I find out with NO surprise how weak and lonely I am. I shouldn’t be writing this, I shouldn’t be crying, I shouldn’t feel so pity about my loss, I shouldn’t be ashamed of saying:”No, I’m not fine. No I’m not okay. Yes I cry, Yes I’m tired, yes I would quit everything and go away if I could.” I should be satisfied of my life, I should enjoy every second that goes by. But I can’t. I’m suffocating, can’t stand on my feet my heart is crawling on the floor, among my teardrops asking for rest and the reason of all this pain: him.
Diary of a Broken-Hearted Girl Part Three: DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE FINE
August 19, 2012