I would draw

May 6, 2012
I can’t draw. But if I could, I would draw us. I would draw you and me back in Ms. Carver’s class, laughing and cutting up. I would draw us in the electrical room, so close, your chest against mine, just breathing each other in. I would draw us outside the school on April 24th, 2010. The day that I fell in love with you. Sadly, I don’t think that any pencil on the planet could capture the innocence of that first kiss or the butterflies that camped out in my stomach. But if I could, I would draw us the day of the wrestling banquet. Or the countless messages that flew between us all summer. I would draw the late night phone calls, the whispers of our voices at midnight. I would draw the pain, from August to October as you fell for Haylie. I would draw my determination to help you fight through the tears, and the day that you finally gave her up. I would draw the bus in Lexington, where after 8 months we finally kissed again. I would draw you in your dark suit and me in my gray dress. I would draw your hand in mine as we sat through the meetings. But only god could draw the true beauty of that moment before the dance. The moment in front of the elevator when your arms were around me and I was losing my grip on reality and I finally became yours. I would draw us on the 9th floor, the 1st floor, and every floor in between. I would draw my head on your shoulder as we danced to Taylor Swift. I would draw the bus ride home, where I fell asleep. I would draw the next three months, our various ups and downs. The cold nights, the warm kisses, the rough hands I held through everything. I would draw Rocky and Adrian, and all those letters I wrote you. I would draw your smile, your laugh, the gentle way you teased me. I would draw our classes together, and that gorgeous smirk you gave me before I collapsed into your arms again. I would draw that rainy day in the car, the day that you told me you loved someone else. The day I called it quits. When you came back to get your phone case you got more than you bargained for. You had me crying in the back seat, and you held me and whispered gently till I lay still. We lay like that for a long time, me listening to your heavy breathing, reaching up and kissing you when the aching started again. I would draw us as we fought our way through April, and falling back together in May. I would draw that night.. May 14th, when I screwed everything up. I would draw us on the bus to Cincinnati, me laying across your lap and your failed attempts to braid my hair. I would draw us at the hotel, when I was mean to you, and in truth it was you who should’ve been that way. I would draw your voice cracking on the phone as I told you what happened. The way Gage told me that you were crying and throwing up and cursing the world. I would draw the next day at King’s Island, when you looked up at me silently, and I knew you still loved me. The way we held hands the whole day and you told me that things could never be the same. I would draw my heart breaking over the summer, the nights filled with agonizing phone calls and salty tears. I would draw the Fair, where I hid behind the lemonade stand and you came to find me. The warm hand that you slipped into mine as you finally held me, for the first time in months. I would draw Holiday World in September, the first time we had kissed in 4 months, and then my depression after you told me we still couldn‘t be together. I would draw our daily phone calls in November, as weeks turned to months and then out of nowhere it became January. I would draw that night on the phone when you asked me to be yours and I agreed. I would draw us at my basketball game where we kissed. I would draw tonight, where we told each other we would always be in love, and I just know that someday, we’ll be bouncing babies on our knees and hopefully telling our children about all our adventures. As I said, I can’t draw. But if I could, I would draw us.

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