Sad, aren't I?

March 25, 2012
By , Glendale, AZ
Currently, I’m sitting here trying to understand the difference between what I want, and what I need. And it’s not the usual, easy answer. This is something more serious (or at least in my current opinion) I’m trying to decide whether I want to take abuse or leave it.
Sad, aren’t I?

When a girl stays in a relationship that isn’t all that it should be, it’s because she’s set her standards and expectations low. She assumes that this is “as good as it gets”. Well at least I do. I’m desperate enough to stay with a guy who says he “cares’ and “loves” me but has failed to prove it.

What’s even sadder is the fact that we’re not officially together. Just the other day the two of us decided that it’s fine for the two of us to see other people after prom. It obviously wasn’t my idea, I’d never bring that up in a million years! It was his.

He may as well have just punched me in the gut, or told me he just wanted us to be done. In my opinion asking to see other people is way worse than a break-up. It’s like “I’m going to keep you around just in case this thing with that other chick doesn’t work out.” And in all honesty it hurts a lot worse than my words can describe.

So since it hurt so much, I put up a fight for as long as I could tolerate. I put myself in a room and made myself decide whether or not I was going to take this bullcrap. Sadly, I ended up taking it. I mean it’s not for the reasons most people would think! I’m not weak or desperate. I was secretly dating him when my parents deliberately told me not to. Prom was fine. Dating was a no-go.

If I called off prom maybe two weeks ago, that’d be fine. Before he sent me the bouquet, before I told everyone I was going with him, before my mom bought my dress and told the whole family…before they met him and actually believed he was a good kid.

In all honesty, he said a certain something, before he provided this idea, that made me think that maybe I just didn’t want to go with him anymore. If I had just stuck to my guts, maybe the heartbreak wouldn’t have been so bad. I mean he claims that he doesn’t have anyone in mind, when in all honesty I know he’s missing his ex. The one he could bring around his family and friends. Yeah, get that: he met my parents after like two months, I’m never going to make his. ‘cause he just knows with all his heart and mine that they’d disapprove of me, and his friends would hate him for it.

I’m still here though. Crying while taking his abuse. I’m sad aren’t I? Or just plain stupid?

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