I feel so drained, as if he took life I used to have when he left. If it isn't hurting, it's a hollow numbness that is so potent and tangible that it nearly kills me. He never texts or even talks to me anymore and it hurts so badly. It's as if someone is squeezing my heart each time it tries to beat. Like they're trying to prevent it from beating. It feels like someone is suffocating me. Either way, it feels like I'm dying without him. I miss him 24/7 and I wish I could have him back. I wake up several times in the middle of the night and I know it's because of the pain and hollowness. I think my sleep apnea has even come back. I always dream of him and, no matter how much I wish he wasn't, he's always on my mind. I can't stand to see him with her, but she makes him happy. As long as he is happy nothing else matters. I just want him to be happy.
Not Strong Enough
February 24, 2012