"What can you do when you fear the thing you love the most is going to be lost? Love means sacrificing your needs for the other person; it means putting your wants and needs to rest in an attempt to meet theirs. I believe this to be true. But what if what they want and need is you? Confusing myself with this question, I often wonder of the answer I would receive if I asked. Fearfully, I would inquire, with tears in my eyes, what he REALLY wanted and if it was me. The only conflict between myself and actually asking the question is the fact that if he did want me, he would have to face a choice: Give up his dreams for me, or leave me for his dreams. I would much rather him choose the second. Desperately, I have been searching for another option, but the future is so clouded, how would I even see? Have you ever wanted something, or someone, so much you almost couldn't bear it? You keep waiting for him to drop everything and say "I want you." and you are worried that time will pass, he will leave, and that will never be said by either of you. As teenagers, we are faced with many challenges we cannot handle. Mine: the fear of falling in love and then losing it. Then I would ask myself what I did wrong, what I should have done or what I never said. I suppose that's life. Constantly, we are reminded of the things we should have said or done and we think it cannot be changed. But what if it could? What if, when you had a thought, you always shared it, setting aide your fear and pride? What if we didn't say goodbye and fought with everything in us to keep what we hold dear close to us? What if we never gave up? Oddly, what keeps us from love is love. Understanding what love is, we say goodbye, let him go, hoping he will reach the stars. We have neglected our happiness. Miserably, we go on with our lives wishing we had just said it, whatever "It" was. It takes a great deal of courage to speak your mind, but it takes much more to truly love someone. Being mindful of these things, we will be faced with a choice; a choice I have already come to. Say it or don't. Take his hand, or let it go. Say goodbye, or say hello. However you choose, keep in mind that your motivation for whatever you choose must be strong and undeniable. Saying goodbye can bring pain or a new life, but then saying hello can mean the same. I do not know what I will choose, but I do know that I must. The pain is so great now. Should I try to beat the odds and completely go against my character, or should I take the safe road and let my greatest possession leave me? I think of him and what HE wants. Does he hurt as I do? Does he care for me as much as I for him? These questions rest in my mind day and night. The day will come when a choice must be made and we will either be happy, or I will continue to hurt, hoping his dreams will come true and he will be happy."
December 23, 2011