In my earlier life I was a Jedi.

April 21, 2011
In my earlier life I was a Jedi star fighter.
I fought the incoming waves of Gerber baby food the evil emperor mommy tried to feed me. Banana, my arch nemesis tried faithfully, every day to corrupt my self-determined diet of candy, milk and mashed potatoes. Mashed banana is perhaps the most demoralizing food a person can be forced to eat. Not only is a banana healthy, it tastes disgusting too. Another unappetizing thing about bananas is, they are yellow. Yellow is the color of death. What color are rotten teeth? Yellow. What color is fluid waste when it comes out no matter if it was neon blue when it came in? Yellow. Yellow is the color of death. Also, Gerber has a way of squishing everything they sell, perhaps it’s the truck it comes in on, and maybe the plant is located in California. They have a lot of earthquakes there. Kind of like my stomach after the evil emperor tries to push Gerber bananas down my throat through a flying vessel called a spoon. “Woo baby Forrest! Look at the spoon it’s flying at you”- evil for you will eat this yellow faux-diarrhea mush or through a series of unfortunate events the spoon will protrude through your toothless gums straight through your larynx, esophagus and down the throat. I hate bananas. Kind of like how i hate bananas with peanut butter. All peanut butter does is dry out your mouth. In my later years I would realize that peanut butter and bananas go together well for a reason. A peanut butter sandwich is just about the most demoralizing thing a person can make you eat. They come in sack lunches from the evil emperor mom. The color is a nasty diarrhea color. I will not explain why I hate chunky peanut butter more. I was sent off to work on the farm with a hoe and a peanut butter sandwich. And with the attitude of a Jedi star fighter I ditched the peanut butter sandwich then wielded my hoe, and it was my light saber. In my former life I was a Jedi star fighter.





Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback