One Only Has to Feel to Believe

April 17, 2011
By , glendale, AZ
It’s something we all know about and yet no one can really comprehend what the true meaning is. It’s of coarse love that I’m speaking of. Teens believe it’s the whole world while grownups only see it as a made up fantasy of their youth that may not have come true or not. I am not going to speak for all of these people. Everyone thinks they know what it really means whether it’s really true or not. I won’t pick sides, I’m only going to tell you a story of the experience I’ve had with it.

Spending your first years of life you think your own parents would love you. Nope, not in this story they don’t. At the age of seventeen many will get pregnant, we see it happening more and more people, and what comes out after nine months is the accident. These teens don’t get married out of love but out of wedlock. These are my parents that I’m speaking of. Funny isn’t it. It’s great to be born an accident that no one really wanted. So this is where my so called “love” started. Years go on and my brothers are born, me being the only bastard of the bunch. Life of a much disciplined child is fun. You take food from the kitchen, you’re beaten, you say words you learned from your own parents and you get the soup. Sounds wonderful so far right? Parents fighting, bruising from little brother and a Cinderella life are the basic pieces of love that I’ve been shown. And that’s just what my own family has shown me.

Every ones says school is where you find your first crush, and later probably love. Nah, not really. Was bullied all throughout elementary school and half of middle school. Now this is where the good part comes in, a new school, YAY! No really, I’m not even kidding. After moving and transferring schools I find myself on a whole new scene and I’m really starting to enjoy school. Knowing I’m not the pretty of a person I’m not really going to try for dating (fail horribly when I did try). So I find friend who won’t stab me in the back and life becomes more enjoyable, not adding the time I spend at home. And the next thing I know I’m in high school and time rushes by fast.

This is where my dating basically comes in. That teenage love, in my mind, does and doesn’t exist. I really just guess it depends on the person. Ones true love can be hidden in just about anyone. It wasn’t found in my friend who I dated for a year. The loss of virginity don’t mean anything either. Not to rain on anyone’s parade but it’s not the first time that the fireworks are shot off. To think you’re in love and in the find that it’s fake doesn’t make the loss any better. Some or maybe all might agree to at one point thinking that you “loved” everyone at one point. Well I only tried to find love in those willing to take me away from the life I was living. A horrible mistake. But I later found more than just an escape. I found a real reason to live.

It wasn’t until I found Him, the one person who could understand me, who didn’t look down on me but be on equal ground. It’s amazing really to finally see a clear sky and be able to rid yourself of a mask long overdue. To know that even in the dark that if you reach out you know there will be someone there to reach out and really bring you back to light and not a gray area. The joy, excitement, pure innocence of love can cause one to do really stupid things. I wish I could say age doesn’t matter but then the law says otherwise. Only two years younger and star crossed lovers can be separated. And losing what one has finally found is like ripping ones heart out and stomping on it, slowly burning it and tossing the ashes into a stormy sea. What I’m trying to say is that is shouldn’t have been possible, but it was.

So in my life to have thought that love didn’t exist, only to find my one reason for being, to finding only pieces of myself to clean up, it’s hard to really not believe. But really, you have to find what this “love” is, experience it and then lose it to really believe that it’s there and possibly waiting. I pray and pray that there will be someone out there for everyone. Love can teach you more about yourself and what goes on around you then one might think. And when you do find them never ever let them go. It will be your only chance for you to really start life.





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