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Jerks Right Now

Girls, you've seen it a thousand times. Some girl you know actually decides to date that dude with the sagging jeans (spongebob boxers), dirty mouth (who'd want to kiss that?), and bad habits (pot anyone?). Sure, maybe the guy wasn't as bad as that. Maybe he didn't do drugs, or maybe he only swore occasionally. Nevertheless, you've doubtless seen many girls--some of them friends--date guys who are, to put it frankly, jerks.

But have you ever had it happen to you?

Don't you shake your head at me, telling me it'll never happen. Some of you are in that relationship right now. You excuse the guy's behavior, telling yourself that "nobody's perfect" and that "he'll get better eventually." Except that you're not dating him "eventually"...you're dating him right now. And face it, girls: right now is really all that matters. It's all you've got. You can't sacrifice "now" for "later," because you aren't guaranteed a "later."

So, how do you know if the relationship you're in right now is a bad one?

Girl, if you're asking the question, you probably need to get out right now.

But just to humor you, I'll give you five sure signs (A,B,C,D, and E, to help you remember!) that it's time to move on:

1. Arrogant
Some guys don't think about anyone but themselves. If your boyfriend is showing signs of arrogance, don't dismiss it as harmless or boyish pride. It seems obvious, but when all he cares about is himself, you can be sure he doesn't care about you--he just cares about you as long as you make him feel better about himself.

2. Bad-mouther
A great guy doesn't cut down other guys. He's bigger than that. He sees the good in people, even when it's hard; and if he can't see good in or care about others, then he has some serious issues you don't want to be at the center of.

3. Crude
Face it: we all know that swear words aren't just "other words." There's something about using swear words that feels...different. People who don't feel the effect of swear words are just using words mindlessly. You want a guy who goes out of his way to have integrity--someone who who uses words carefully. That kind of man isn't going to cuss.

4. Distracted
If you care about something, you make time for it. Think about it: If you suddenly stopped texting your best friend, could you really say you still cared about them? You'd probably be either mad at them or uninterested in the friendship. It's the same with boys! If your boyfriend is seeming distracted or absent-minded, take it as a sign that you weren't meant to be. Your prince charming will put you first.

5. Easy
Yeah, as girls we love it when guys put their arm around us or when they do that hugging-from-behind thing. But we also know, even if we don't like to think about it, that many teen guys see physical contact as the purpose of a relationship. The best guys care about what's inside, not what's outside! If your boyfriend constantly wants to kiss, sit close, hug, hold hands, etc--and especially if he is hurt when you don't feel up to doing those things--he's looking for the wrong things. You deserve better! You deserve someone who values you for you, not for how much hug time you can provide.

It's important to be honest with yourself. No matter what your feelings are for a guy, if he's waving red flags, you're going to get yourself into trouble...and end up with regrets.

Maybe you already have some regrets right now. If that's you, don't lose heart: right now is a good time to start reclaiming your life.



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This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

Odessa_Sterling00This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:29 pm:

Ok, I just have a problem with 4 and 5.

On the number 4 one, I think that's a stupid reason.  You are not the only thing in his life he cares about.  Yeah, that would be nice, but get over yourself.  He has friends, and sports, and hobbies and stuff.  Don't be so selfish.

And on the number 5 one, maybe some dudes like getting close.  Relationships are about getting close to each other, physically and mentally.  When you wrote this you acted like all... (more »)

 
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Kaitou_Kid This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 7:54 pm:
Honestly, I hate guys that are like that, they give good, respectful guys like me, a bad image. It's happened to me twice, where I actually respect girls heavily and always take their feelings into serious consideration, but the girl automatically rejects me, because she think's i'm like all the other guys out there, that are thoughtless, unhonorable pigs. (Unfortunately, alof of guys my age are like that.) Always give a guy a chance, but if he starts showing these signs right away, it would be ... (more »)
 
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TanGem This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 7:39 pm:
Oh, and I love the last line! (HOPE) :)
 
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HisPurePrincessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 6:03 pm:
Oh yeah!  Thankfully, I don't know any guys that are actual jerks, but I've seen them around often enough and I just think, "Why????"
 
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Mackenzie P. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 10:24 pm:
Guys are such jerks! And oh yes, been there, done that, NEVER going back. Great essay :)
 
TanGem This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 7:36 pm :

I like "3. Crude" because girls should know that a guy who isn't careful with his words is someday going to be using them on his ex. And who wants that to happen to them?! Also, even if the two people don't break up and eventually get married, they'll inevitably argue. If the guy has never been careful to avoid using hurtful words, what's going to stop him from one day using them on his wife? 

Thanks for publishing this article! It's really taught me a lot, and ... (more »)

 
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