i don’t really care anymore if things are going to work out or fail in the end. i feel like it’s more about finding what makes you happy right now. this very second. and if you failed in the past, start over. if you fail in the future, keep moving. but right now, live in the moment. you’ll never have a moment to cherish if you keep worrying about the outcome. you can try and hurry to find some sort of clarity to the mind boggling scenarios we get ourselves into. you can just sit and constantly think about solutions to all of the different problems we have. or you can simply just do it: do what makes you smile, laugh, kiss, hug. anything that is going to make you remember each day a little bit better, look back with no regrets, and look forward more often than not. i never said loving you was easy. it took work, time, and lots of stupid fights. but i never said it wasn’t worth it either. i smile a little bit more because you taught me to. i laugh a little harder because i know it would upset you if i didn’t. i keep the ones i love a little closer because losing you was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to go through. but i don’t cry because you’re gone. i don’t hide because you’re gone. i haven’t changed because you’re gone. i simply just keep living because that’s what we have to do. in order to find our purpose, our sanity, ourselves. we must just keep living. now that doesn’t mean i’m not expecting you to come back into my life. because everyday a little bit of hope still remains inside that you’ll somehow be here in the end. that for some reason this is just one big test we’re all put up to just to see how strong we really are at just getting by. maybe you’re my only answer. you’ll never really know unless you just hold on and hold on tight. this hope doesn’t make me insecure or unstable. it doesn’t make me content or happy. it’s just a reminder of an important chapter of my life. that no matter what you do, the past won’t define us but it won’t replace us either. and you know, even though it’s all just a jumble of nonsense right now it all kind of makes sense if you think about it. we’re here to find happiness and surround ourselves with a common bond: love. and somewhere in there we’ll find our purpose. but if being with you makes me happy. if being with you means i’m falling in love. and if being with you gives me a sense of purpose; of who i am or who i wanna be. then screw it. seriously screw all of the bull that once told you to keep your head up high and defy the odds of the broken hearted or move on because it’s what’s good for you. this is my life. and if i want to wait for you, i’ll wait for you. and when the time comes for you to figure out what’s right, i’ll still be waiting.
Finding Your Purpose
October 20, 2010