When I was little, I always use to look up to my parents and say, "I can't wait to fall in love and have a marriage like yours ". Its funny how only a couple years later I have no desire to get married. Now it's not because I don't believe in love; I do. I believe in the magic and unpredictability of what love can do to you. But I do not, however, believe any longer that love is enough to make it through a marriage. I realize, now that I am 17, you need another key element to make it through a marriage: selflessness. Selflessness, as defined by me, is to undeniably, unconsciously, and fully allow yourself to be placed second. To realize that the relationship that you possess and that is always growing is more important and beneficial than anything that will happen to you solo. Now this does mean that you bend to the will of your partner; no never that. It means that you want what is best for them over what is best for you. If both partners are selfless they will most likely have a very successful relationship. This is because they are both working to make each other happy. This is the reason why I don't want to get married. I do not believe that there are many people on this earth that contain this essential character trait. Though I do believe there are some marriages that work without this, I do not and refuse to take a chance on something that is so important. I believe that I am a control freak, which means that every aspect of my life was already determined by me that it was going to happen and be successful. Though this is unrealistic, I continue to do this. Therefore, marriage is not something I can pre-determine, which scares me. I don't want to jump of a cliff without knowing what's at the bottom. Overall, the sad truth is I have so much love to offer, but yet I'm too scared to take the risk of not succeeding.
May 28, 2010