Embrace of the Devil

April 17, 2010
By Anonymous

Two hundred years ago, the handshake was the most common form of affection found amongst teenagers and businessmen. Through the years, the handshake has become the elbow grab, the head butt, the chest bump, and now… the hug. This dreaded mechanism of sex-mongering can only be described by government officials as “hypnotizing” and “lewd”. You see, hugs are not what they appear to be: they are NOT just the signs of affection that many unenlightened individuals play them out to be. Hugs are, in fact, the outcome of a sex-deprived nation of adolescents eager for some taste, however small, of the other sex. Inundated with images of sex, however explicit or implicit, teens across the United States and even across the world thirst for lust and, hopefully, love. To meet this end, they go about hugging, people, especially those of the other gender, in a near-desperate attempt to “make friends” with them so that they may eventually be ravaged (to the highest degree of the word). And, although gay and lesbian hugs may exist, hugs amongst the same sex don’t usually denote “ravaging”.

Also, hugs have simply become too mundane to be anything more than a sexual gesture. Many would disagree with this statement, however, saying that hugs are generally made for purposes outside of sexual longing. In fact, according to the well-developed research of Wikipedia, the hug, whether as a greeting between long-time friends or as a casual goodbye between complete strangers who know each other but by some obscure blood relation, is universally practiced, whether by adolescent or elder, by male or female, by citizen of the proletariat or by refined gentleman, as a sort of sign of romance, affection, empathy, or emotional support for another. In fact, the hug, as claimed by the same article by Wikipedia, crosses social, religious, and cultural lines. However, how can something done so commonly and so mundanely have this peculiar effect of “affection” and “emotional support”? Another commonly used expression is that of, "I love you". Take for example the adulterous husband and his still-unknowing wife. Every day, the man says to his wife, “I love you, honey”. Does he sincerely mean it? Well, if he’s with another woman, probably not. While actions may speak louder than words, hugs and the lust that belies them are almost always just mumbling, tone-deaf children stuttering in a world of otherwise loud words, actions, and emotions.

Hugs stimulate no feeling other than the lust of and for another individual, usually of the opposite gender. Teens, bombarded with images of sex, explicit or implicit, long for such an experience almost every day. To meet such an end, they go through the mundane and meaningless (for every purpose other than that of attaining sexual gratification) ritual that is hugging, just to experience another person so that he or she may lust for that person throughout the day. If this ritual of hugging keeps gaining popularity as it has been, how long will it be before a full kiss on the mouth is the correct way to quench one’s thirst for sex? And, God forbid, when will orgies simply repopulate the globe and the meaning of chastity be lost to the sands of time? To prevent these obviously lascivious and generally undelightful ramifications of sporadic hugging rituals, we MUST stop the enemy at its source. Should I advance to fulfill the objective that is the end of hugging, follow me; should I falter, urge me on; should I retreat, kill me, for I would rather be dead than see such insubordinate and salacious activities take a hold of the populace.

The author's comments:
Contrary to the voice of this article, I don't really HATE hugs. In fact, I hope that this article has been more of a satirical criticism to you than as a serious piece. Please give criticism where it is due.

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This article has 1 comment.

luvdance said...
on Apr. 25 2010 at 10:37 pm
K well first of all, I give hugs to tons of guys but not for any means of sexual whatever. They are my guy friends and so there shouldn't be a problem with giving them hugs. And second of all you can't really take things from wikipedia and believe that they are true because wikipedia is open for anybody who wants to edit it. So personally, I don't think that hugs have anything to do with sexuality. It's just a nice notion between friends.


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