Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

January 6, 2010
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
…or so they say. With the increase in technology, texting, email, facebook… its not a surprise that there is an increase in the people who are in long distance relationships. But do they really work?

Out of sight out of mind? Or does this really depend on how much you love that person, enough to think of them even when they are not there? Or just enough to love them when they are? It depends of what type of long distance relationship you are in; prolonged separation for example one of you going travelling is very different to living far apart from each other but still being able to see each other.

One of the hardest things to deal with is the lack of affection. Having someone you love to be there for you when you need them most is really important and when you don’t have that, it’s hard to not look elsewhere for someone else to give you that type of affection. Words only mean so much and sometimes even just one hug could do so much more for you. Being in a long distance relationship makes you realize that you have to be strong, of course you have your friends out there who you can rely on but sometimes it just doesn’t compare to the one you love. It can be tempting to fall into someone else’s arms for just one night but that one night could ruin your whole relationship. You have to build up strength to do without until you next see them or until you can next talk to them.

Communication is essential. Being stubborn is not. Coming to an agreement on when you are going to talk to each other is very wise because you will then be aware, roughly, when you will speak to your loved one. If you don’t do this you might go days without speaking and not realize why. If you know you are going to talk to that person in 3 days, it gives you something to look forward too, and you might sit there and sob down the phone but it will be worth it. Don’t spend hours texting, emailing or talking about how hard you are finding it, how much you want him there with you, that you keep crying… the more negative things you say the more strain it puts on the relationship. It will make him think that you are finding it too hard and make him worry (although he won’t admit it). Obviously you should still tell him you miss him but don’t turn it into a negative thing. Tell him you love him, tell him what you have been doing and ask what he has been doing.

There is no point even attempting a long distance relationship if you have no trust. If you do, it doesn’t mean its going to be easy, but if you don’t, it is definitely going to be hard. It’s not easy to put all your trust into one person but when you do, it will be worth it. If your boyfriend is away, and will have other girls around him, the last thing you will want to be doing is checking up on him, through facebook, pictures. Your life will constantly consist of you being paranoid and its not healthy. Having full trust doesn’t mean you won’t get worried once in a while, that’s what keeps your relationship alive, but as long as your worries are always put at peace, then you have a very healthy relationship.

It’s hard to give advice about love, or the absence of it, because it will be different for everyone. But the key things to remember are trust, communication and just living for that feeling you will get when you will next be in his arms. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Maybe not, but absence doesn’t empty your heart either. Do long distance relationships work? Well that’s down to you. For me, I still have 10 months to go until I get to see him again but it doesn’t make me love him any less, it doesn’t make me give up hope. If like me, it’s going to be a long time until you can see them again then you have to take it by the day, not by how long it is until you next get to see him because I can guarantee that will never make you feel better. Cherish when you can speak to him and look forward to the next time you do.

If you have trust and you love him, then don’t give up hope. Don’t listen to those who say it won’t work; prove them wrong. Believe in it even if everything even if life is giving you every reason not to believe.

Join the Discussion

This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

Sofi said...
May 3, 2016 at 11:45 pm
At the moment i'm in a long distance relationship. i'm from Argentina and my boyfriend has moved 6 months ago to Panama, he lived in Argentina also. I haven't seen him since November 2015 and i'm not going to see him until July of this year when he is coming to visit. At the very begining of the situation, i felt so lonely and i only wanted to stay on my bed all day, crying and complaining about what was happening. But then i realized that the solution was not that. I started... (more »)
tony1808 said...
May 21, 2014 at 5:44 pm
in my personal opinion long distance relationship doesn't work for more than 6 months ! if im in relation with my gf and living miles  apart nothing has to force her to struggle threw diff circums all by herself while m not around and close to.nothing can force her to stay with me talking on the phone or skype or wtvr ... she needs me by her side and i want her in my arms. so long distance for more than 6 months don't work.  
Lost_In_Her_Daydream replied...
Jan. 13, 2015 at 11:41 am
@tony1808 That itself is not true. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we have yet to see one another. He lives 6,000 miles away, but we manage.
HannahNepeta replied...
Jun. 17, 2015 at 10:24 am
Going on 3 years
DMac said...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm
I don’t agree the relationship would work out. As much effort as you will put it in someone always ends up not giving it their all and wanting to give up. A long distance relationship for only a little while might work out but one that goes on for a long time won’t. It ends up being a routine you have to get used to. Nobody wants their relationship to feel like a duty they have to get used to, and that’s what most of them are. That causes hardships that are usually unhealthy.
briana78 said...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm
In my personal opinion long distance relashinship  is hard. No matter how much you love them how much trust you have it is hard. i couldnt imagine being away from the person i love especially if hes however far away from me
ambnyc This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I like this article. It provides a shred of hope for LDRs. I'm currently in a long-distance relationship, we celebrated our 7-month anniversary 5 days ago. And it's going perfectly fine, contrary to my friends' warnings that "Long distance never works."

It works if you make it work. :)

BehindBlueEyes said...
May 24, 2011 at 11:27 pm
i just got out of a long distance relationship an its really upsetting because im the one that broke it off because i was falling for my best guy friend. i only broke up with my boyfriend because i didnt want anything to happen between me and that friend while i was with my boyfriend because he had been cheated on and i really didnt want to hurt him. but now im not even with that friend and i really want to get back with my ex, but hes moved on and its killing me that i messed up with him so bad... (more »)
KerAnn said...
Jan. 17, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Long distance relationships are hard but they are managable. I've done it and i am doing it. But, some don't work. I wish you guys luck.
AmyPackham15 replied...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 6:34 pm
thank you for the comment :) and thank you, they are hard but hopefully worth it in the end :)
alii replied...
May 18, 2011 at 1:11 pm

you really described every thing well there

i got ur point of action thanks i think your opinions are respectable

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback