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Stages of Crazy and Clinger

Crazies and clinger: those whiny, obsessive, over-bearing girls. You know…the borderline stalkers—a guy’s worst nightmare.
Warning, guys: stay away from the crazies. All girls are murdering, psychotic, emotional train wrecks once in a while, but some girls go too far. Here are seven stages of crazy:
Stage One: Crazy girl drives past your house randomly.
Stage Two: Crazy girl not only drives past your house, but also your place of work.
Stage Three: Crazy girl talks to your ex-girlfriends and checks your Facebook at least once a day. She even tries to friend your exs.
Stage Four: Crazy girl makes you stop talking to your friends and has admitted to Googling your name on several occasions.
Stage Five: Crazy girl thinks you have feelings for her when, in reality, you just want her to shut up and leave you alone.
Stage Six: Crazy girl sends you texts at least once a minute with question marks if you stop texting her.
Stage Seven: Crazy girl makes threats against your or her life to keep you from breaking up with her.
Although secondary to crazy girl, clinger girl is not to be underestimated.
The worst kind of crazy girl is the crazy girl who is also clingy. Kindly, kindly stay away from clingers. Clingers will make your life miserable. You will be scared to walk out of the door in the morning. You will be twitchy and nervous when you eat breakfast. You won’t want to go to school. Why? Because she will be there…watching you. Don’t laugh. I’m not kidding.
To avoid this creepiness, you should be aware of the seven stages of clinger girls. They are:
Stage One: Clinger deletes all girls who pose any competition from your phone.

Stage Two: Clinger slaps you in the face for no reason at all. She also looks through your text messages at least three times a week.

Stage Three: Clinger plans where she wants to go to college around where you want to go to college…when you’re both still sophomores.

Stage Four: Clinger puts a picture of herself as your phone’s background, Facebook default, and iPod screen.

Stage Five: Clinger gets a job where you get a job so she can keep an eye on you.

Stage Six: Clinger watches you while you sleep.

Stage Seven: Clinger claims you to be the father of her children.

You have been warned…





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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Aduke9 said...
Oct. 25, 2012 at 10:55 am
Whoa! You must've had some serious girl problems. Five stars due to the hilarity of this entire piece.
 
. said...
Jun. 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm
What if you ARE the father of her children? 0.0 Meanwhile please stop with the comments about him stereotyping girls. He never said that this represented ALL girls, just SOME.
 
CyberLydii said...
May 2, 2012 at 7:34 am
Sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend 0-0 Don't stereotype all women like that. Not only are we not all like that, but men are quite guilty of it, too.
 
TheBadSun said...
Mar. 19, 2012 at 9:31 am
yes not all girls are like this guys are like this aswell . i do get your perspective on this though. yes stereo typical BUT if you let a girl  (or a guy) get away with little sh*t like ur cellphone checking doing slapping etc etc then ur not the brightest crayon in the box. if they threaten to kill themselves, my responce : let them. they most likely wont if they do. well not to sound mean (i am a girl after all) good riddance. no other person needs to suffer through crap like that .
 
Nick5 said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Sterotying, although a helpful literary device, is wrong. You seem to have a lot of experience with these stalkers as well: do you have credentails?
 
kksexi12 said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 10:51 pm

 HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously, not all girls are like that!!!!! just because i happen to be friends with my boyfriends exes means im a crazy girl??? you totally misunderstaqnd girls dont you?

 

 Guys, this should aply to you too then. you can't say this because that is kinda sexist

 
owl-girl replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Agree. I will admit to being an emotional train wreck every so often, but not all girls are crazy or clingy! WE HAVE LIVES TOO YOU KNOW!!!!
 
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