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How I feel about you

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Feelings to me are far more complicated than religion and so I never really speak with certainty
when I speak of "love". (Whatever it may be) For the most part you are prescious to me. But it would not be the first time I feel strongly for someone. Still, in a way you and how I feel about you are different. And again I wonder if it is the blind state most people find themselves, when they are so called in "love". I enjoy talking to you, listening to what you have to say. Although I can say with some certainty that you Are very unique. And I must admit I have always been drawn to unique people, they make for better conversation.
Everything about you calls to me. But is it that I havent learned enough of you. I would usually say to myself that if you cannot find a flaw that your not looking hard enough. Id say that so everytime I felt this way, my brain would tell my heart to slow down. But either I neglect to acknowledge your flaws or I have yet to find them.I simply see no flaw. You are perfect.
But a fool I am not.
You cannot be perfect.
But by God I cannot find a flaw.
Perhaps youa re stuborn, perhaps you are shy. But because of these things my affection for you only grows. Oh! How foolish I feel, how foolish I feel to yearn for your attention, for a simple glance, for a brush of hands. I find myself thinking of you for no reason. Wanting to hear your voice, to see your beautiful smile. To listened to your ideas, opinions and secrets. I wish to feel that I am as much and important part of your life as you are to mine....
And every time I learn something new about you, it simply entices my curiousity ever more, to learn more about you and who you are.
What are your fears? Perhaps to feel that I may protect you from such things.
What are wish to do with your future? Perhaps to feel that I could be a part of it.
What do you love? Knowing that I was wishing it were me.
But the questions that always in my head remains
The questions that totures my conscience so
How long till these feelings fade?
How long till I love no more?
And the thought that sinks my heart
The thought that destroys my will
Is the thought of hurting you...
If I could take a single step, a step that would undoubtely bring me much joy, but in turn break your heart. Then I would not take such a step
Instead I would rather suffer through a thousand pains if it were only for your happiness
So I fear...
I fear loosing you
I fear having you
I fear hurting you
But I wish to hold you...
And maybe I fear for myself as well. Maybe I fear of making a mistake, or maybe I fear hurting my own heart. As well I am so young, who am I to say what I feel, how can I trust my emotions when I barely know what they are. Someone once asked me: If I was a fraid of falling or standing up? I thank that person, because I was always certain I was afraid of falling. But as it turns out the question made me realize that falling meant nothing to me. Instead, maybe, just maybe I was afraid of standing up. I realized that If I stood up I might succeed and if I succeed, I may hurt you...
And with that realization something else also occured to me. Something I continually inform myself, and yet continue to ignore. All the calculations, all the precautions and all the fears are for nothing. It serves absolutely no purpose, but to impare one of even trying. Sometimes one has to jump with eyes closed, especially when it comes to "love". For no matter how prepared you "think" you are, your never trully are. Love is a game of high risks and whorthwilled rewards.
Of course some discretion doesnt hurt either.
And although it pains me to say it. Since saying it would mean the first step in the wholle "standing up" process. Which means the possibility of succeeding, the posibiity of failing, the posibility of hurting you.
But like most things in life if you believe you have never made a mistake in life, then you have never tried somenthing new. And so I shall say it, even if my head brings up several very convincing reasons not to, I shall say it...
I love you.




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Ashleysbff said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm:
OMG i feel just like that about a guy in 2 of my classes and i really think I'm starting to love this person,but I'm afraid to tell him bc I don't want to hurt him or be hurt by him. This piece has beensuch an inspiration to me and I hope you continue to write wonderful pieces like this!!!!thank you sooooo much!!!!!!!
 
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