The Love Doctor Recommends: A Cheater

December 15, 2009
Being in relationships on and off throughout my life, I've realized a few things. I have been with every type of guy there is, not saying I've been around the block and back, but I tend to go for a variety of guys. In my studies, I have identified six main types of boyfriends in the teenage dating world. There's the jock, who instead of hanging out with me, would rather be on the football field slapping the bottoms and bumping chest sweaty, shirtless boys. Then there is the player, who can't ever decide what he wants; one day he likes me and the next he is in love with the school's head cheerleader. Now the monster-truck-obsessed, dip-spitting, deer-hunting, country kid is the third type. The name says it all. The suck-up is the annoying type. Always giving me compliments and buying me expensive gifts, when he should spend more time learning how to stop kissing my butt. The newbie is the boyfriend who has never had a girlfriend in his life before myself. I then have to hold his hand throughout the relationship and teach him how to be a decent boyfriend. But, I want a boyfriend, not a two year old who doesn't know right from wrong. Last, but definitely not least, is the cheater, the boyfriend who wants to stay faithful to me, but he 'can't'.

The cheater gives me a challenge, mainly my detective skills. I keep my eyes wide open when my cheater is around me, searching for glitter on his face or finding a strand of hair on his shoulder. Now that, I will later on have to run to the lab to get DNA testing done to make sure it's not mine. An advantage is that I get to learn more things about my cheater when I search his car, phone and room. Like finding out that either my boyfriend wears girl's underwear or he is cheating on me. I can search his car and look for little suspicious clues, maybe chipped off nail polish or hair clips that don't belong to me.

While being with a cheater I get to feel a whole variety of new different emotions. There is a new type of jealousy that I experience when I am with a cheater. Even if he just glances at another girl who is checking him out, I get to feel this rush of jealousy. I then get jealous that he is looking at another girl rather than me, then I feel the insecurity. My self-esteem suddenly goes down because I wonder what she's got that I don't have. Then once I ponder on that, my self-esteem rises because I know I've got the guy who she is checking out. My feelings are on a roller coaster going 115 mph, with a 80 foot drop and 17 loops, when with a cheater.

Free stuff is a definite benefit of being with a cheater. My cheater will find a pair of earrings or a jacket in his car, he will then go on to tell me they belong to me. When I know I never owned a pair of pearl earrings or played volleyball, at a school I didn't even attend. On a good day, it might be something brand new from there date to the mall that she accidentally left in his car. Like I was told my whole life, it's not the amount he spends on me, it's the thought that counts!

A dishonest relationship is a rewarding relationship. I don't want my boyfriend to get bored with me, so why not let him go find a second, third or maybe fourth girl to have fun with? I don't want to hold him back, you know? As long as I stay faithful, and he doesn't, everything will be perfect. The more my boyfriend cheats, the more time I have to myself. This means I have more time to DNA test all the random strands of hair on his clothes. While my guy is having fun with another girl, I get to learn more about him by playing a CSI in his room. Also, from his cheating and my detecting, I have found an interest in criminal justice, so now I know what I want to do after high school. So thanks to my cheater, I know what I want to do in the future.

Through my studies with the teenage dating world, I have found that the best relationships come from cheaters. All of the benefits are an advantage when being with a cheater. More time to myself, free things, learning new detective skills, feeling new emotions, etc. The answer should be obvious when choosing your “type” of boyfriend. Cheater, cheater, cheater!

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Jhazy said...
Jan. 13, 2010 at 10:02 am
this article was very interesting...i see that it is a satire but u totally made some good points on why you should pick the "cheater cheater cheater" boyfreind lol which one of those other choices will keep you on your toes and give u all those things to choose from. this may be a satire but all this is true... well "for a person who isn't looking for love" kind of person lol this article is perfect. Very entertaining
DelaneyIlish2011 replied...
Jan. 27, 2010 at 9:43 am
Thanksss. I had a lot of fun writing it. Just gotta go through them all before you finally find the one you like.
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