Insecure

By , Pleasantville, IA
I met him the very first time a couple of years ago. He’s come up here, not to meet me, but to be set up with my best friend. But can I help it if he falls for me instead? I did everything I could to make sure they worked out. But while my efforts failed, my affection for him grew stronger. Through so many fights and drama, part of a girl’s daily life, him and I took a chance and became more than the best friends we already had become. We were now “a couple”. The first few months are fine. Although he lives nine hours away, he trusts me and I trust him. It’s not like we’re serious. But the days come when I start to worry. How close is he with other girls? Does he think they’re pretty? Am I not as pretty to him anymore? Why does he want to her friend so much?

We’ve been dating for six months and I’m able to push those ridiculous questions away. But even when we spend so much time together, considering how far we do live apart, I can’t seem to quit thinking about other girls. There are girls he has to be to around when I’m nine hours away. I know they flirt with him because when I am around him, they’ll flirt when I’m standing right there. What do they do when I’m not around? I know a few girls who like him. It bugs me so much to know they actually think they have a chance with him. But for now, I ignore it and live my life.

The big “one year” has arrived and somehow those silly questions pop into my head again. Does he want to live his life with me? Does he think other girls are prettier than I am? I calm down once I’ve spent the summer with him. No girl is going to allow us problems in our relationship. There’s no way I’m letting some random girl ruin things between us.

School is starting back up and I can’t stand the fact that although we’ve now been dating for over a year and a half, I still tend to worry about random girls. I feel so confused at the fact that I feel this way. I tell myself to quit being so silly. Loving someone is trusting him. But it’s not him I don’t trust; it’s the crazy flirts out there. I think about how this guy came up here to meet a girl, and while I didn’t technically steal him away, I did get him instead of her. What makes me think some other girl isn’t just going to take him away from me? I try and think about why I worry. It’s probably because I know there have been quite a few girls out there who have tried to get him while he’s been dating me. Is that the reason for me insecurities? Or is it because I just have gotten so close to him and worried to death that I’ll lose him? I guess now all I can do is do my best to trust him. After all, he trusts me and very rarely questions me. I should give him the same.





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Camille1234 said...
Aug. 8, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I have the same problem my boyfriend lives an hour and a half away and I worry about the exact same things. He is also three years older then I am but we are each others first and well I wonder what happens up there. But I trust him and he trust me and that is all I have right now and that is more then enough. His trust. And he has mine. So you should put your trust into your boyfriend because if he trully loved you then he wouldnt give in to other girls. Just trust him :)
 
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