Breaking-Up – A Survival Kit This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

July 26, 2009
Breaking-Up – A Survival Kit

‘If two people are meant for each other, it doesn’t always mean that they're meant for each other now’ (Dawson’s Creek).

Breaking up with someone can be a mutual and calm agreement or can be an unexpected, painful, and weakening departure. When the relationship has already passed its “best before” date, having the courage to follow through with your decision is the best way to spare yourselves from the effects of love-poisoning. Whether you are the one breaking up with someone or getting broken up with, there are right and wrong ways to approach this sensitive topic. Be true to your emotions and do what's best for the two of you.

Initiating the break up: not a needle prick

Take note of Code Red
When a relationship is down the rocks and a break-up is inevitable, let your partner know. Don’t drag out a pointless relationship. Having an open mind and an even wider understanding can save you and your lover’s time and effort for other things. When things are starting to look annoying instead of cute, ‘I’m always right’ situations are happening more often, and the complete lack of respect for your opinion are always injected even in small discussions, take notice and be wary because these codes should be sending you a clear message. Maybe it’s time to give the two of you the air and space you both need.

Heighten your senses
Remember that there will be no “perfect time” to end a relationship. Think things through and make up your mind if you really need to snip the lines. If you're unclear about how you're ending it, it could result in a dragged out relationship. Don’t break up in stages – if you want to dissolve the knot, there’s no time like the present. It’s like taking a sticky band-aid off your bruised skin. Would you rather do it fast or slow? Which one hurts more?

Pop in the pills
Before approaching your partner, be honest, put your reasons together and decide whether or not you truly feel that you need to split up. Do not start up an argument or point fingers. Remember that it is not your partner’s fault that you are no longer interested and it is not your fault either. It’s always wise to use your mind and weigh the situation down based on reason and not emotion.

Follow your prescription
Mistakes happen and loving someone in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and for a wrong reason is not an exception. The two of you have to realize that love is not enough to make a relationship work. It needs trust, respect, time, effort, and total commitment. If these requirements are violated then no matter how many times you say “I love you”, those words will remain empty and void. Take time to listen to what they don’t say and show. Do not let passion but wisdom decide for you.

Being broken up with: shock-proof your heart

Don’t panic
It is not a small scratch when what you expected to be a ‘happily ever after’ would turn into an explosion of illusion. Before getting all defensive, stay calm and listen. If you think its time for you to explain your side, do not be afraid and speak up. By talking it out, you both will paint a clearer picture of what went wrong and why. If you clarified your side you may be able to explain something your partner might’ve misunderstood and took the wrong way.

Sanitize your emotions
Refrain from stabbing back with anger and put your head above your feeling. Your emotions might get ahead of you and you might just blow things up instead of clearing them out. The only thing that will happen when you get all fired up is worsen the situation and end things in a more painful term. If you feel that you cannot hold yourself back from exploding then tell your partner that you understand but you are not ready to talk about it at the present time. Compose yourself and continue on when you think you are prepared.

Swallow the bitterness of reality
Be ready to turn—or torn—the pages. There is no magic word or magic wand that exists to make the hurt less painful or vanish. Cliché as it may sound but reality truly does bite hard, and it leaves a heavy mark. It’s now all up to you to take that scar as a lesson and not as a punishment. Picking yourself up from where you’ve been left could be the hardest part of the whole process but remember that what you are going through would be less painful if you accept reality and move on.

Don’t forget your First-Aid
Try to give yourself some time to take charge of your own life and decide who and what really earns your attention. If you feel the need to cry then do so. Remember that you have your friends and that you should not go through this rough time alone. Getting support and comfort is a big key in helping you heal your wounds. By containing your sanity and regaining that lost energy, you will eventually find your way back into the love you truly deserve.

Join the Discussion

This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

Scribbler-of-Dreams This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:28 am
This is really good an very reliable. I wil definitely refer to this if I am ever in this kind of situation.
Aduke9 said...
May 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Wow. This is a very reliable piece. I will be sure to come back to it the first time I need to break up with someone. 
Lillie M. said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 3:13 am
I should've read this last week, I might've been better off had I done that. There is some true wisdom in your words.
Nick5 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Wow have never broken up with anybody, but make it sound so easy. Reminds me of a burnt-forest and that idiom: if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is therre to hear it: does it make a sound?
HopelessRomantic1 said...
May 18, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Where have you been all my teenage life?  i could have used this about a year ago... it took me 9 months to get over one stupid jerk!
ninjajump said...
May 15, 2011 at 2:23 pm
really great.. i loved it i can take it to heart... i used the same steps when i broke up wit my girl a year in a half ago... u should be proud of this break up survival guide
Fate98 said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Question, If its been almost a month  and you still haven't fully gotten over a  break up and you sill think about them. Should you try asking them out again even if you still think the reasons you broke up a right? Or would it just be better to keep trying to get over it?
i fart in school said...
Oct. 15, 2010 at 2:23 pm
woooah this is soo good i adore it with like my whole heart!
Sis94 replied...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 9:49 pm

ok well that has nothing to do wit this   


but way to go

Sis94 replied...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 9:49 pm

jk lol i have to say the the same


colie-bear777 said...
Sept. 14, 2010 at 7:55 am
I think that this will help people when it comes to break ups... I hate them... but this way you can either be gaurded when it comes or you can help the other person and soften the fall.
AMORETTE said...
Dec. 25, 2009 at 10:14 pm
this could be ver help full i liked it.
RavenAlexandrax3 replied...
May 31, 2010 at 4:27 pm
this was definitely helpful =]
mladdissa said...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 1:33 pm
You should change the title cause it's not really a first aid kit but you seem like you know a lot about relationships and your advice is helpful.
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