First, let's work on you

May 20, 2009
Dear friends:

First, I’ve noticed that many teenagers feel like they have to be dating someone to be happy. Maybe its for personal satisfaction, or just to be able to say they’re with someone or for the slime balls out there…maybe its just to get “some”. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’ve only seen a few couples that are together, where both parties are with each other simply because they enjoy each others company. I also think its ridiculous, to say “I love you” after dating someone for two weeks. If not for any other reason, it takes credit away from the couples who have had to work at their relationship. Under no circumstances, do I believe in love at first sight. It takes conversation, dedication, and more importantly it takes time. Something I’ve learned is love and pain go hand and hand, and you can’t fully experience one without the other. Here’s my suggestion, don’t claim to love someone, until you know exactly what makes them, THEM.

Second, why do some guys feel the need to say things they don’t and never meant? It can be the smallest comments, but sometimes those are what make the biggest impacts. For example, “I don’t care what movie we see, as long as I’m with you.” Or “baby, you’re the only one for me” or my favorite, “I’m with you for you, nothing else matters” I’ve heard these lines so much that now when I hear them, my ears automatically translate them into “bullcrap, bullcrap, BULLCRAP!” Here’s my suggestion, don’t’ say what you don’t mean, because someday, somewhere, someone might actually believe you.

Third…whoa, here comes the big one. SEX. Its been said that guys use love to get sex and girls use sex to get love. Sad thing is, is a lot of relationships are based on just this. My opinions are not based on experience but instead, observation. A lot of my friends sleep around and then later on wonder why it didn’t work out. By no means am I’m saying sex is bad, I’ve just noticed that when it happens to soon, it short circuits other parts of a relationship. People can relate on many different levels -- emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally but when sex happens to soon it can and often does become the main focus, and every other part of the relationship, such as talking, becomes irrelevant. I also noticed when this happens, guys tend to lose respect for the girl and girls start to mistrust the guy. Here’s my suggestion: Don’t have sex until you’re married. Make someone prove they love you, because words can only go so far.

Finally, I am not a shrink, nor do I have any formal education concerning this subject; I’m just an average Joe and these are my observations and opinions. I’ll leave you with this last suggestion, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. You have your whole life to fall in love, but right now, what matters is you. You’ll never be satisfied with someone else until your satisfied with yourself.

Join the Discussion

This article has 42 comments. Post your own now!

perus said...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 9:22 am
i find this article to be extremly strotypical to be honest i dont think you know what your talking about you are obvisly speaking out of hurt
HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 3:00 pm
speaking out of hurt?  this is fact based, and the person is speaking out of sadness and pity, that's what i see.  he/she (it sounds like a girl to me) sounds like they are just trying to help teens have better relationships.
Cinthya M. said...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 11:10 pm

I really do have to agree with the article. Yes most of the things stated are true, but not in every situation. I mean it's not that I think that I HAVE to have a boyfriend to be happy, but I just know it will distract me from things I need to move on from.

And well the situation with being in love so young, there is not an age number where you fall in love. I am not in any position to say I have been in love, because I do not know what it is. But I do know feelings can become very, ve... (more »)

leeleewolf_is_a_duck said...
Aug. 18, 2010 at 2:38 pm
I agree with everything except the second one. I like when my boyfriend says stuff like that. I think it's sweet. Of course, he's the first one to act like this. The others have been uber-controlling, and this one says the "I don't care what we do as long as we're together" so I get to pick. And I have fun with him no matter what we do... but the rest I agree with!
magic-esi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 12:01 pm
This is so true. I'm not saying it's not possible to be in love, but you should take time to make sure your feelings- and the other person's- are genuine. Love's not about social position or about sex, it's about caring about someone enough to do anything for them; to be happy just to be with them, not even in a relationship or anything. I really liked this article for its blunt honesty and for how everything in the article is true in real life. Guys should stop tricking girls into thinking ther... (more »)
xxzoE said...
Jul. 5, 2010 at 5:49 am

I can't start to tell you how happy I am to know that someone else out there thinks the same as i do. 

i am 15. I have some friends who are so obsessed with being loved by a boy that it drives them crazy. They loss respect for themselves. It makes me sick how a girl can be so unsure with herself that she would do anything for one boy. 

I never thought that I would fall in love before I was 25 ish. But it happened. My boyfriend is amazing. He understands me and why i do... (more »)

Yvaine_96 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 12, 2010 at 6:16 am
we have one thing in common, we both are observant.
Taco1 replied...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Very well written story, I watch all the c*** that goes on in my sister's life with her boyfriend and how he ''loves her'' but he hits her WHY?

is that love?

I didnt think so.

but....i like the story :)

i luv ya!alicia replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 3:06 pm
i agree thats not love my boyfriend would never hit me
Yvaine_96 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 12, 2010 at 6:09 am
girl u just spoke my mind............
luvviinnnme... said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 4:50 am
u go girl...!! luvvd the article...
trblue said...
Feb. 1, 2010 at 12:55 pm
go head girl U R telling the truth.
Dustygiirl said...
Dec. 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I know how you feel "/
but thanks for the comment! (:
The~crayon~in~my~heart said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Ahhhhh! someone who finally agrees w/ me!!!!! halilueigh! {did i spell that right?}
Dustygiirl replied...
Dec. 20, 2009 at 1:50 pm
hahaha you're close(: but thank you!
AndersN said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 12:22 am
To everyone on in the world: How you use the power of procreation (In other words, SEX ) will determine your eternal happiness. Haver you ever read a book or seen a movie in which the sexy one has a happy ending? I didn't think so. Most of you think it's ridiculous to wait until after marriage for sex , but I believe different. Most of my friends' parents are separated. Why? They had affairs before they were married. Waiting for your wife will strengthen your relationship with... (more »)
yelhsaaaquino said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 2:33 am
You sure can write.
You totally put my feelings and experiences into words.
Rocky Y. said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 5:06 pm
very good. godd job keep on writing you are a nuatlral good kob. i love u just kidding
AndersN replied...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 12:23 am
That's hilarious.
Dustygiirl replied...
Dec. 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm
haha agreed(:
love ya too Rocky Y!
BellaLuna said...
Aug. 22, 2009 at 6:23 pm
yup. agree. doesnt it bother u also when people throw "i love u" or "i love him" "im in love" around like a beach ball? hate that...
Site Feedback