Thump, every word striking me without delay. Unsaveable . Unworthy. Undesirable. Those words repeating over and over. Unsavable. Unworthy. Undesirable. It was like a slap across my face. The emotional hurt and pain was excruciating. Thinking to myself is it true? Is that really what I am? No it can’t be. That’s not right. How could someone damage you so much that every time those words were repeated like an echo it felt as if being pierced with hatred. It was as if they meant it, like an accomplishment. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right. The worst part was I walked away with a simple smile that concealed my rage and sorrow. On the outside, it was as if nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect. But how could anyone think I was fine? I had just been told that I was nothing. On the inside, I had been ripped and torn to shreds and no matter how long I waited the scars could never heal. How can a person that supposed to mean the whole world to you hurt you in a way that no one should feel? How could they make you question whether you should live or die? How could they make you think that. There are a lot of things I don’t understand about life. Like why is there so much loath and hatred and so little peace and love? There is one thing I do know and that is that no one can tell you your not good enough. You can sore as high as you want and you better not let a single soul bring you back down.
April 23, 2009