A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Texting and Driving

November 11, 2016
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It is a melancholy object to see people texting while driving and if this problem is not eventually solved, then the number of death each year will go up not just in America but around the world. In the future people will see more and more harmful effects of texting while driving.

I think it is agreed by all parties that the life-threatening occurrence of texting while driving is not only affecting the person who is doing it but also affecting everyone else on the road; and therefore whoever could find out an easy way of preventing people from texting while driving would deserve well as to be awarded a million dollars.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the death rates; it will improve your ability to drive with blurry vision and also saving you some money on the funerals.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. Their simple solutions of silencing your cell phones, turning your cell phone off, putting it far away where you can’t reach, getting apps on your phones that blocks texting while driving and letting others know that you are driving, will not be very effective especially with the teens because the chances of them actually doing that is about 0.1%. I have calculated that in the next ten years, the death rates of texting and driving will increase by a lot more, meaning more money to spend on funerals. I propose that rather than trying to get your kids or others to stop texting while driving, we should do it together in a way that will be environmentally, socially, and economically beneficial.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should start to drink alcohol while driving instead of texting while driving. This means that everyone needs to start putting their phones away and go get some alcohol so they can start drinking and driving. Drinking and driving will solve the problem of texting and driving because you’ll be busy drinking so you won’t have time to send anymore text messages. Drinking and driving is better because texting and driving is four times more dangerous.
In this scenario, cell phones will no longer be used in a car, and the most popular thing to do while driving will be drinking alcohol. This will benefit your relationships with your friends and family because you are not constantly texting them but instead, you are meeting them and actually talking to them instead of just texting them over the phone.

Of course, people will be driving with blurry vision all the time, due to drinking while they’re driving. In addition, drinking while driving can also affect your decision-making skills. But after more practice with drinking and driving, you will get better with it and have no problem at all driving drunk. The world will soon be no more people texting while driving as a result of drinking while driving.

These drastic and sudden changes to our everyday driving will be very difficult to be put in action, but this solution could be implemented very easily if everyone would just help to implement it and do it as well themselves. We will become an inseparable society and will become dependent on each other for trying to save more lives from the accidents due to texting while driving. Problem solved.

I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal, it should be claimed that drinking while driving would also cause death, as most people do not have the experience to drinking and driving. I desire the reader will observe that this problem that you are worrying about is not important compared to the large amounts of death rates each year caused by texting while driving, and my proposal of drinking while driving will actually make a lot of people happy because now they don’t have to worry about getting in trouble for drinking while driving because everyone else is doing it. Therefore let no other person speak to me about any other solutions: of silencing your cell phones: of turning your cell phone off: of putting it far away from where you can’t reach: of getting apps on your phones that blocks texting while driving: lastly, of letting others know that you are driving.

Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I have spent a very long period of time researching and thinking about the subject, and I know for sure that my solution to the problem is the best, if not the only solution to the problem of texting while driving.

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