Bieber Sells Out, Usher Acquires New Slave This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

March 10, 2010
More by this author
Our national security has been breached. The last time we faced a threat as severe as this was during the Cold War when Soviet genius Robert Hansen infiltrated the C.I.A. However, a new danger has come to life that makes what Hansen did look like child’s play.

I am of course talking about Justin Bieber, that miniature Canadian package of death, destruction and despair.

All right, he might not be a Canadian spy attempting to stage a coup de grace during our current state of economic weakness, but I assure you, he’s the worst thing that has happened to our country since the assassination of JFK. While his crimes may not be trading confidential information to America’s enemies or assassinating presidents, they are just as severe--selling out.

Bieber made his debut in late 2007as a young and innocent YouTube star singing popular hip-hop songs in a cute prepubescent voice. At the time, this was all fine and good. America was founded on the principle that every man, woman, child and funny animal has the right to publicly humiliate themselves on YouTube, and I do need to give credit where credit is due--the kid is an exceptional singer. At age 13, Justin was on his was thalassic more views than laughing babies and Charlie, the finger biter.

Then disaster struck. Upon discovering Bieber’s talent, Justin Timberlake and Usher entered a battle of epic proportions for his soul--Usher beat out Timberlake, but it was clear that in actuality, Bieber is the true loser.

In October of 2008, Justin Bieber signed to Island Records and gave up his pride, his dignity and any chance he had at making good music.

So Bieber signed to Island Records and in one short year he had his first album released, My World. From the opening track of My World, “One Time,” it its clear that any aspiration Bieber had at being an artist were traded for fame, and in the immortal words of Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, “And lots of money…playa.” But the extent of decimation of Bieber’s potential and childhood innocence cannot be seen until you watch the video for this work of “art.”

The set up for the video--Bieber is “holding down the house” for Usher while he’s out--Bieber precedes to make a fool of himself for four minutes of awkward dancing wit h girls he doesn’t have a chance with. The reason he doesn’t have a shot with these girls is simple--no disrespect for J.B., but statutory rape is generally frowned upon in our society.

And as if this music video isn’t demeaning enough, Bieber was somehow convinced by his mentor Usher and Island Records to do a second video for another song on My World, “One Less Lonely Girl,” in which Bieber sets up a scavenger hunt for another girl who most likely isn’t legally allowed to have sexual intercourse with him.

The only thing more demeaning than Bieber making her a card that says “I will buy you expensive chocolate” is the undisputable fact that he is wearing pink lipstick.

I have immense respect for anyone who can sing half as well as Bieber. I am not simply hating on the kid because he is millions of years younger than me and probably already made more money than I will make in my lifetime. No, I hate on Bieber because he sold out. His future had potential that was squandered away in exchange for being bros with Usher. He is already an arrogant little twerp at the age of 15, I shudder to think what kind of “music” that narcissism will be putting out five years from now.

So, ladies, while you fall in love with Bieber’s manufactured and those puppy dog eyes of his and that cute smile, just know, you are the reason our parents get to proudly and defiantly name The Stones, Dylan, and Zeppelin as the greats of their time--while we’re stuck with embarrassingly mumbling Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, and Bieber as the greats of ours.

Join the Discussion

This article has 19 comments. Post your own now!

Mizu-chan said...
Oct. 23, 2012 at 11:20 am
Guys, she isn't saying people should hate Bieber, nor is she specifically saying she hates him. What she says is that she respects his musical talent, but cannot bring herself to respect what he has done with it. He's making songs for other people rather than for himself, and it's not going to get him far in life. He could be, and should be, doing far more productive things with his life at this age. He's 15, and should be in school, not running through overcrowded audiences at c... (more »)
KatsK This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 12:48 pm
This is great, just saying. You put into words what I could not.
wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:23 am
great article! was really funny and you made a great point:)
selenafan1 said...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 7:47 pm
I think a little constructive critisism is good, but this is just plain mean. Justin doesn't need people hating on him like this as he said on his YouTube videos he doesn't know why people hate on him but hatred are part o how he gets so many hits on YouTube because they comment and look at them. If you hate beiber so much why do you waste your time even talking about him!
.Dimples replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm
I agree.
asofnow This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Personally, I listen to the music I like. But I respect other people's opion. (I don't really like JB) Your article was AMAZING! It was halarious!
maizyiscrazy said...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I was cracking up during this article. I love it!!! I have always been a Beiber fan, but this is hilarious!! I love the part when you talk about "One Less Lonely Girl," I am pretty sure that I died. I love you and your writing!!!!!


SophiaCross said...
Feb. 24, 2012 at 9:55 am
This is awesome! You made a good point in a well-written, straight to the point manner. Keep it up!
LetLoveLive said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 8:28 pm
Well you write really well, but you really need to stop crying and complaining about how much you hate Justin Bieber. No I am not defending Justin because I like his music and yes he does sing like a girl. But, Justin isn't a spoiled brat as everyone thinks he is. Justin has been through alot of stuff in life and you should really get to know him before you say things like this. But, i really love the way you stuck to the topic and didn't go off of it!:-)
WiseChild said...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 5:30 am
i suppose at some point he was just a regular, nice kid who mows lawns for extra money and has to be home in time for supper. there is some truth in what you're saying, he isn't our best youth representative. but i'd advise you to not waste your time on him. he's here today but he will be gone tomorrow...
bieberfan said...
Apr. 26, 2010 at 9:08 am
I'm not so sure of what i think aboutthis really.
greenwolf said...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 9:52 pm
I generally don't follow Beiber, I don't hate him, I don't love him. (I don't even know if I spelled his last name correctly.) But your article was an eye-opener of all the selling of souls talented young stars do. And how quickly their talent goes down the drain. Really interesting point and awesome article.
ZeeBYoung replied...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 1:12 am
Its "Bieber." Lol :)
booklover/writer said...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 8:49 am
Thank you.!!!  I completely agree with you. Bieber has no talent. Well, after Canada heard of Miley they probably wanted us to now how they feel, so they sent us Justin Bieber. :( Which seriously sucks. I dont know why so many people think hes cute. Trust me, there are waaaaaay better looking celebs out there. Like Logan Lerman, he is one hot dude!!
shelbywearsprada33 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 6, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Those are NOT the greats of our times. Gah. Get taste.
magic-esi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 3:28 pm
It's like you have a psychic connection to my brain. This is brilliant.
Did Justin Bieber used to sing well? This I have to hear.
123abc456def replied...
Apr. 6, 2010 at 9:52 am
I agree completely. The fact that Justin Bieber used to sing well down right amazes me! If anyone finds the link, please post it!
FunXsize3 said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 7:32 am
harsh...but i can see what ur saying
mliaz999 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 2:40 pm
he should at least write his own songs.  and hes also really arrogant.  i mean i dont hate him, i think it takes guts to post something of you singing on youtube so that the whole world can hear you.  but when he starts making up words with his own name, like bieber blast, bieber fever, and belieber, thats when i start getting annoyed.
Site Feedback