Cultural Differences in Relationships | Teen Ink

Cultural Differences in Relationships

November 2, 2013
By Anonymous

As said by John Dunn in a 2002 interview, “Relationships should be mutual. Religious and extreme cultural differences lead to an unequally yolked relationship.” (Brookside, Johnathan) This means that when there is a very large difference between the two people in one relationship, the relationship is much less likely to succeed. This reminds me of how, in the story of Guiana, she was in love with someone in a different culture and it did not help their relationship work. In the story, Guiana is a beautiful Indian woman who falls in love with Don Cristobal, who is described in the story as a “gallant and brave Spanish noble.” Guiana then learns that her people are going to try and kill Cristobal, who is her love. When both she and his interpreter warn him of the possible rebellion, Cristobal ignores their warnings, claiming that “the Indians live in peace.” So, in his ignorance, he is killed by the Indian Chief, who is also Guiana's brother. Guiana and Don Cristobal had cultural differences – one culture decided to rebel against one another. This therefore proves that cultural differences can both hurt and help relationships.

On average, marriages have a 30% chance of divorce. (Robinson, B.A.) This divorce rate climbs to 41% in marriages that contain cultural differences between spouses. (Gooden, Stacy Ann.) This statistic is due to the unnerving fact that there is a constant, involuntary competition between races and cultures. For example, in a Black Male/White Female marriage, the female is likely to feel some sort of involuntary belittling from the male's immediate family. The result is equivalent even when turned around-- in a Black Female/White Male family, the woman is likely to feel less than the other women in the family. The same is true with religions. In inter-religious marriages, up to 75% of marriages do not succeed, and of that 75%, 25% of these lack complete intimacy-- they “coexist in two solitudes.” (Rufus, Anneli.) One example of a relationship of this type is described in a quote by Esther Perel. She says that “"The difference isn't just between Moses and Christ. You're dealing with issues of money, sex, education, child-rearing practices, food, family relationships, styles of emotional expressiveness, issues of autonomy -- all of these are culturally embedded." (Perel, Esther.) As Esther later goes on to explain, one difference in a marriage can disturb every portion of the relationship, leading to tremendously high divorce rates. Therefore, relationships are not likely to succeed if a cultural difference interferes.

An old poem once said:
“If the soldier loves you,
love him back, dear;
He won't be a soldier
the rest of his life.”

This poem is talking about how a soldier is required to dedicate the majority of his life to the military. He is dedicating his life to this service, and he has made a promise to do whatever they ask of him, whether that is moving across the country, moving over seas, or putting his life in the battle zone. This relates to the theme of cultural differences because a soldier has to move around, he has to adapt to other cultures, he has to meet new people and do new things all the time. A soldier is constantly flushing himself within other cultures. The poem is explaining that if a soldier loves you, think of the good things, not the bad. He won't always be away and he won't always be a soldier-- sooner or later he can come home and be as in love with you as you are with him. This relates back to the story in multiple ways. Guiana had to realize herself the position she was putting herself into; that she may not be able to be with Don Cristobal now, but in the future, when the risks were gone, the relationship would flourish. However, Guiana's hopes were ruined when her brother, the Indian chief, killed Don Cristobal in a revolt. This is yet another example of how cultural differences in a relationship can negatively affect the love that was originally there.

As said by Tia Mowry, “I think it's something that needs to be said - that there are interracial marriages out there, and the couples live happy lives, and there's nothing wrong with it.” (Mowry, Tia.) She is completely correct-- there are ways that cultural differences can work in relationships. For example, religious differences can be worked out by alternating Sundays: spending one Sunday at His church, and one Sunday at Hers. Cultural differences can be settled in a very similar way-- by blending the two cultures together. Couples can both use recipes from their cultures, they can both go to each others family reunions, they can bond with both families...they can do what lovers are supposed to do: love. I strongly believe that having a cultural difference in your relationship should not lead to the destruction of a marriage, but rather, lead to a creative initiative to bond more and learn more about the way your spouse has lived. I feel as if multiculturalism is a wonderful way to learn more about your spouse and learn more about the many cultures of the world; and education is always the key to success.

In conclusion, relationships have been proven to hurt and help relationships. In Guiana and Don Cristobal's case, it happened to destroy their relationship; but this does not have to be the case for anyone else. Multicultural relationships and the differences arisen by such can be resolved simply by blending the two cultures in one's household. I truly believe that love requires sacrifices-- and that is why I am standing by the statement that relationships can work when there is more than one culture, no matter how many differences and complications arise.



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