I never thought it would happen to me, the possibility that someone I knew would take their own life. The reasons are unknown which makes the loss even more hard to bear. He was my friend, my bro, my homie. We had inside jokes and he always made me feel comfortable. I just felt safe around him.
Now he is gone taken from me and his family by his own hands. Does he know how selfish that is? The burden he has left on this town and his family is unexplainable we have felt as some part of our hearts has been ripped out. I loved him as a brother and he loved us all, he was so happy; Always loving life and having fun, never acting upset or showing any signs of depression, but I guess people are good at hiding things.
How could you hide something like you are so depressed that you would kill yourself. I mean I would definitely tell someone if I was even close to having thoughts about something so awful, but people in that state normally do not have the courage or want to get help or to admit they have a problem. In my thought it makes me feel like I did something wrong could it be my fault that I let him down?
I hate to say it but my school is not as kind and amazing as it may seem. Don't get me wrong the place is beautiful and a great place for the summer vacation but, kids in school can often be very cruel and unkind to others. I hear almost daily on instagram how kids are picking on others and how it gets them down. There is one word though that comes up a lot. It is gay, kids constantly use the word to pick at guys who do things that are more feminist such as doing the plays or dancing.
Could That have been the words to break him. I know he did the high school plays and was one of the very few boys to still be doing boy scouts but, that should not cause a child to go that far, there must be something deeper something locked up inside him like a safe that no one could crack the code in time to save his life.
That is what hurts the most when things like that happen you are just in so much grief that you could come to the conclusion that it would be your fault. That you did not help him enough or talk to him enough or be nice enough. That you could have helped him so he could still be here with you with his family training to become an eagle scout and getting ready to go to college and make a change in this world.