Police Brutality: A Satirical Piece

March 28, 2017
By , Sacramento, CA

Aside from humiliation, lynchings, segregation, and slavery, the United States has been quite loving to the black community over the years. Despite all these luxuries that these citizens have received, it seems as though they have yet to be satisfied. Because of advancements in technology, a recent wave of recorded acts of police brutality against majority black men have surfaced in America. Upon reading an article by the Washington Post, Kathleen Wong at Mic.com accounts that the Post analyzed the 385 fatal police shootings in the United States that had occurred in 2015. The Post noted its number, which came out to two officer-involved shooting deaths per day, was more than twice the rate that the government had recorded over the decade.” What the Post failed to mention was the incredible threat these individuals pose to powerful, trained, and heavily armed police officers every single day. If the black community was not such a huge threat then police offices would not feel triggered to shoot. What is it that makes these individuals so threatening? Well, we're not sure yet. Nonetheless, the “Black Lives Matter” movement, which promotes sympathy for these cop-spookers, is simply ridiculous. Everyone knows black lives matter, that’s why slavery was abolished after three hundred years, and why Barack Obama took office, now please stop scaring our militia. 

“Pigs in a blanket, fry em’ like bacon” is the dangerous rhetoric you'll hear the Black Lives Matter chanting on a good ol’ Saturday night. This movement, which behaves more like a gang through their acts of thuggery, has led to the near death experience of thousands of cops. Black men are such a threat to cops everywhere, they can attack at any moment, even if they are weaponless. The majority of police brutality victims are unarmed but still a threat to police officers through the fear of being fried like bacon. There are accounts of black individuals being shot in the back by police (Laquan McDonald, 2014) and being shot with their hands up in the air (Terence Crutcher, 2016).

The issue here is obviously that the black community is too good at scaring our police force. Even with their pistols, tasers, and batons, the black community still know how to break these professionals down. One should never question authority, especially not police officers who could never do wrong, it's basically unheard of. So long as these individuals live in fear and silence of police authority, they should be fine. To further ensure that individuals no longer pose a threat to police officers, I propose that all members of the black community live out their everyday life with their hands and feet bound by shackles. This would eliminate the possibility of threat to cops. Yes, this may make it a little tougher to be mobile, but it is worth it to ensure that our police officers, the only men who are brave enough to promise to protect all citizens, feel completely safe. I have recently conducted an experiment to support this proposition. Based on my calculations, I have found that when shackled at the arms and legs, individuals are 100% less likely to move their arms and legs.       

 Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “How can one who is shackled function in society? With the work force and driving and what not.” Not important. It is our number one priority that our police officers are not in harm’s way. Officers are not trained for five months to come to work threatened by unarmed civilians everyday. It’s just not right.

The police force is meant to protect and serve all citizens. They are heavily trained and heavily armed and held to a higher standard than anyone else in society. This is because they are the women and men have a great responsibility. They're powerful enough to affect our freedom and our lives which is why it is important to ensure that they're qualified. With this in mind, we need to keep them safe because without them, we're not safe. So, as any logical person would see, the ONLY solution to protecting our police officers because no, their arms and weapons and their status is just not enough, is to bind those who threaten their safety.



Work Cited

Banducci, Vanessa L. Raw data showcasing the differences in shackled and unshackled subjects. 13 Feb. 2017. Raw data. Sacramento.

"Black Man Shot by Tulsa Police Had Hands ‘in the Air,’ Says Pastor Who Reviewed Video of  Shooting." The Washington Post. WP Company, n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2016.

"Dash-Cam Video Released Showing Laquan McDonald's Fatal Shooting." NBC Chicago. N.p., 15 Dec. 2016. Web. 16 Dec. 2016.

"Police Killed More than 100 Unarmed Black People in 2015." Mapping Police Violence. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2016.

Wong, Kathleen. "10 Police Brutality Statistics That Are Absolutely Shocking." Mic. N.p., 09 Dec. 2015. Web. 16 Dec. 2016.

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