A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Child Abuse

November 13, 2016



It is a melancholy object to abuse an innocent child. If we don’t bring an end to child abuse then this could be a problem to all the children eventually. Child abuse is when a guardian harms a child in any way that affects the child including neglect, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.


I think that is agreed by all parties that the life threatening occurrence is getting worse every year. More and more children will start to be abused which will make them feel like it is alright to do to their children. Over six million kids are reported to have been abused every year, and that’s only the amount that is reported there are still unreported cases! It is guaranteed we go extinct if we don’t fix this in a few years. This must stop and someone needs to find a solution at whatever cost.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of child abuse, it will also take care of drug abuse and other bad addictions. This could also solve world peace we just need to take action!


As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be.  They have child protective services where anyone can call at anytime and be helped out. This doesn’t work so well because some kids are too scared to make the call or to reach out for help. Also they have tried to reach out to kids more and spread awareness but they still have the same problem of the children being too scared.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.


I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit should. Once the parent gives birth to the child they will be separated. The child will be taken care of and the parent will be sent off on a bus to one of the many isolation camps.

In this scenario, the child will be taken in by the hospital and raised by people whose jobs are to raise them to be self sufficient. The kids will be perfect and they won’t have to worry about being abused. This will make children less distracted with their parents to so they can concentrate on having a better life.


Of course once the parents get on the bus they will be taken to one of many luxurious isolation facilities. They will there be peacefully executed, slaughtered, and disposed of. This way we know for sure that the parents won’t be able to come back and harm any of the children.

These drastic and sudden changes might be a lot to take in because some people really will want to raise their child themselves. But for sure there is no doubt that everyone can see the obvious benefits that there will be no worries of child abuse at all, I mean wouldn’t you want there to be not a single child in the world that would suffer one bit in this world.


I can think of one valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal which is that some parents wouldn’t want to die. Why wouldn’t you want to sacrifice yourself so that your child can have the perfect life? Obviously if you care about all the children's well being then you would know that this is the best solution possible.


Again no one should dare to suggest these notion to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I am the only one that knows this much information about child abuse and am an expert in my field. I have been researching for centuries. I have worked out all the kinks and have a perfect solution and know for a fact that it will work.  After looking at all the other solutions and seeing how much of a failure or ineffective that they are I know that to get rid of the problem you need to get rid of the source of the problem.

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