A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for The Melting Polar Ice Caps

November 11, 2016
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It is a melancholy object to think of the polar ice caps. These large masses of ice have been shrinking and regressing and melting at an alarming rate compared to the usual rate. If the ice caps continue melting, they could expose the Arctic and Antarctic land beneath it. When this land is exposed, countries will rush to claim this land and its resources.  This could start border conflicts and even start a war. Not only will this cause problems on the poles, but it will cause problems for all the world. When the ice caps melt, they will release a large amount of water to be released in the world’s oceans.

I think it is agreed by all parties that the life-threatening occurrence is worsening. When the ice caps melt, they will insert a large amount of water into the world. This water will fill the oceans up so much that it will flood every single bit of land in the world. We will all have to live underwater, and become fish people. I, personally, don’t want to have gills.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the ice caps. My solution will bring back all the ice people want so terribly.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. Other organizations such as the Arctic Environmental Protection Strategy, also known as AEPS. they have planned on reducing carbon emissions among their countries, and enforcing regulations. However, the caps have not stopped shrinking. My solution will also cool the whole world, so all the countries can chill.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to the public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should build an extremely large freezer. When we build this freezer, we only have to make it a few miles high. And very strong.

In this scenario the freezer will be powerful enough to cool the whole world. If the nations all pooled together their resources, they could build a freezer easily.

Of course we will have to transport this freezer to the arctic. Once it is there, we will leave the door open, and let the ice freeze even more than frozen.

These drastic, sudden changes will be difficult to implement this solution, due to the difficulty to make all the nations work together. However, if they work together, they will successfully save the whole world.

I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonized this proposal, except perhaps that this will not actually work to freeze the world. However, I don't think that those people have ever solved global warming before.

Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this to this topic, but simply that I have spent many hours studying this subject, digging through credible documents, and searching. This solution is the only way, because it's the only solution that will bring the ice back.

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