The War For Wood

June 2, 2010
By Anonymous

There are many communities in the Firestone Woods, 2 of which are the beavers and the raccoons. The beavers live by the river in their large wooden dam, they are the more advanced of the two. Then there are the raccoons, they live in squalid conditions. Ten years ago, the raccoons invaded the neighboring land of the squirrels. Beavers intervened to stop them and force the raccoons back into the woods. Other creatures in the woods criticized the beavers, saying that they were only interested in the large amount of wood in the squirrels land. This was true; the beavers have been trying to get their paws on the wood deposits that cover the land of the squirrels, raccoons, and chipmunks.

In 2001, the beaver’s dam was hit by a vulture. The president of the beavers, Beaver Bush, declared a war on vulture terror. He promised to not stop until his army of beavers had captured or killed Vulture Bin Laden, the bird the orchestrated the attack.

Two years later, Bin Laden still had not been caught. Some believed that he was hiding out in highest of treetops; others suggested he had been struck by a small plane. Beaver Bush was under fire for not obtaining the whereabouts of Bin Laden.

Then, Bush announced to the forest that the raccoons were in possession of lightly salted almonds, a delicious treat to the humans but deadly to woodland critters. The beavers launched a full scale invasion of the raccoons land, hoping to find the NMDs.

The beavers invaded Coonland. Into the country, they went marching into the cities, destroying all the homes, and taking possessions.

A year passed, no almonds were found. The leader of the raccoons, Saddam Coon, had become just as wanted as Vulture Bin Laden, who had seemed to be forgotten during this whole mess.

Another year goes by, and the NMDs remained undiscovered. Some beavers began to believe that there were really no almonds in the land, only wood. The war in coonland was some being referred to as the war for wood.

When it came time for the beaver elections, Bush reminded everyone of what happened on that morning in 2001. He was able to ride the memories of the vulture attack all the way to a second term.

Put against a wall, Saddam Coon was killed. When rummaging through a garbage can outside a house, Coon was shot by an angry hick. Still, Coonland was filled with beaver soldiers. Bush said that soldiers would be there until the vulture threat was gone. The other animals were quick to remind everyone that it wasn’t the raccoons that attacked the dam, but Vulture Bin Laden, who had still not been found. The lightly salted almonds still weren’t found either.

In the year 2008, Bin Laden had not been found, there were thousands of beaver soldiers in Coonland, and the Beaver Dam was in shambles. Luckily for beaver nation, it was the final year of Bush’s command. Soon a new leader was elected, BearevoBama, he promised to change the dam, get out of Coonland, and find Vulture Bin Laden.

The year is now 2010, none of the promises have been fulfilled, but the beavers are optimistic that their new leader will lead them back to leaders of the woods.

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