Pissed off. Worried as hell. Angry. Depressed. Confused. This is how I feel at the moment.

I look at my older brother, James, and I am worried. He's 8 years older than me. He's the leader of our family. He just bought a house. My sister-in-law, Debbie, is 3 months pregnant. They both work for the Federal government. My brother is at homeland security doing some classified analyst work and defending our country from would-be-threats. Debbie was a pharmacist, now working for the FDA. 

They moved to Maryland excited about their future - their work, their new home, their new family. My brother exalted the stability of his employment and the mission he was serving. He talked about how he was going to give his new baby all the opportunities our parents couldn't give. 

James and I grew up with a single mother since I was 5. Our dad had taken his life during the Great Recession. My mother sugarcoats it but the truth is that my father was overburdened by his responsibilities and he ultimately crumbled under the stress. We saw the signs, but thought our dad was a superman. He was always at our baseball games and school events. As kids, my brother and I would try to double team him in our home wrestling mathces. But no avail--our dad was a state high school wrestling champion. He would take us down, cradle us both, and sometimes even let us win.

Now more than ever, when I talk to James, I think of dad. James has done so much. He takes care of our mom who went back into nursing after our dad passed. He takes care of me; giving me allowance money, teaches me how to talk to girls, all the stuff an older brother is supposed to be. He is all that and more.

But now, all I see are dark clouds. This shutdown needs to end. Normal citizens should not have to suffer because of two sides of our government cannot agree on an issue.