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Declaration of Independence from Men MAG
There comes a time in every female’s life when it becomesnecessary to kick aside the incompetent male counterpart and terminate all future relationshipsthat will end in calamity so they can live in peace and harmony. A civilized reverence to mankinddemands that we state the grounds that have caused such a split.
There are certain rightsthat all women have, such as the right to cry at a sappy movie, the right to shop for ten hours,the right to wear sweatpants if we want to, and any other endeavors that would allow a woman tofollow her natural-born right of happiness. In order to protect these God-given rights,women must stay away from the evildoers known as men. It is up to us to save our privileges anddesires from the bungling, often oafish men who end up only destroying perfectly good women. Wewill get rid of our ties with said men and relinquish all connections that will hinder us to livecontently. Cautiously, a decision like this will not be made under petty and fleeting grounds;however, such is the case that when men have consistently neglected and abused women to the pointthat the negatives outweigh the positives, it is time for women to set themselves free, and letloose. To prove that women are better off without men, we have submitted facts that will confirm wehave just reason.
1) They do not have the mental capacity to talk about anything exceptsports or cars. When we try to engage them in intelligent conversation, they shut down. Is it toomuch to ask of men to talk about something other than their immediate world?
2) They areembarrassed by public displays of affection. When a woman tries to kiss, hug or even hold hands,men recoil because they do not want fellow brothers see them partake in loving deeds. Is it toomuch to ask of men to show affection when all women do is give love unconditionally?
3)They refuse to make plans. Ever. It is always “oh, we’ll see what happens, yeah maybe,that’s a possibility.” We’re talking about a two-hour outing, not the rest oftheir lives. Is it too much to ask of men to commit to a day’s plans?
4) Theyconstantly belittle women. We are not pieces of meat or put on this earth for their entertainment.Using profanity to describe the bearer of their future children is inappropriate. Is it too much toask men for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T?
5) They cheat and lie. Most of the men in this townthink monogamy is some kind of wood. Not only are they afraid of commitment, but they have acomplex that makes them want what they cannot have. Is it too much to ask men for a monogamousrelationship?
6) They never know when to be serious. They frequently take jokes too far andoften offend and snub women. It is appropriate to joke about eating like a cow with a woman. It isinappropriate to joke about how the woman looks like a cow. Is it too much to ask men for a littlekindness?
7) They refuse to be compassionate toward women. If a couple is at a movie andthe woman is upset by it, it is alright for her to cry. It is intolerable for the man to mock herbecause of it. Is it too much to ask of men to show a little sensitivity?
8) They areincompetent and depend too much on women. Men are helpless, without women they would not be able tofunction properly. They are extraordinarily lazy and cannot help themselves. Grown men should knowhow to wash dishes and clothes without a woman’s assistance. Is it too much to ask men forhelp?
We hereby concur that we must demand our freedom from men during the rest of ourlives including times of conflict and times of tranquility. Women of every nationality, color andreligion declare that we are free from the incompetence of the other sex. Men are undesirablecreatures and no more shall we be in need of them. The facts stated are conclusive and sovereigntyis needed! Our lives are hectic and demanding. We now have the freedom to do what we want, howeverwe want. If women want to cry over movies or Hallmark commercials, we can! If our idol is BridgetJones, we have the liberty to be like her. If it is a sweats kind of day, we shall wear thosesweats! In conclusion, women may have problems, but from this day forth, men shall not be one ofthem.