I hate sitting in here and writing about all I feel. Maybe it is because of me becomming numb these days. Or ?t is just what I want to show to the society. Because If I love someone I will be the pathetic loser who cant get in return for her love or I will be the melancholic girl who is always talking about the pain she suffers constantly. If I have a boyfriend and a perfect life and write about those than I will be making a show of and society won’t like that too. I used to think that feelings are overrated but now on the second thought, society is overrated. They want to put you in a posion which they want. You can’t be perfect. But society thinks that they are perfect and judge you. I don’t even know why I care about society? Why do we are? We don’t have super powers to control their mind. People will think everything. Good or bad everything about everyone. That is what makes us people. So why do we care? Billions of thoughts, billions of complimants, billions of insults… There are just so many things to think and so many people. At the end we will be obsessed about everything. For example my body is not good and I can’t help thinking that “What would people think about me if I wear shorts? Would they think that I am too fat for that?” Yeah, sometimes I can become overly obsessed and I feel like my brain is going to kill me because of these billions of “would they” thoughts. Isn’t it kinda the same for everybody?
The important thing is not to try getting in someone’s brain and thinking “would they think…” All we should do is listen to ourselves and say “Do I want to wear shorts? Yeah so ignore what the society will think. This is what I think and I am wearing damn shorts.” No matter what we do we can’t be perfect for them. So why don’t we be perfect for just ourselves? At least this would make us happy. Well human race aren’t good at making best calls for themselves but we can try sometimes.
I am glad that I didn’t write about my feelings. They would problably be too depressing but who cares? I will when I want to. I still like considering myself as numb. Because when I get the road of my emotions God knows that I can’t get out. Emotions and considerations conflict in so many cases. You can hate someone and think that she is beautiful at the same time or you can love a boy even you think he is annoying. So at some point I have to feel something. Even society accept or not.