Do you remember when you were young, I mean young to the point where you were curious about just about everything and you were determined to find out the origin of things because it either bothered you about the way it looked or that you were so interested in it that you couldn’t get it off your mind? Or was that just me? Anyways, like I was saying, do you remember that moment when you were young and you walked up to your parents and asked them the most famous question asked by most children between the ages of 2-3 until about 7-8; Where do babies come from? And they would answer with either the following: a stork came to the front door at night to deliver the baby, mom planted a seed in the garden, they ordered the baby online on a baby market, or whatever they could come up with at the time.

Seriously?
I, in all honesty for a time, believed the idea that mom planted a seed in our garden because they really wanted another baby until I had gotten older and found out the truth, and trust me, there are times when the last thing you want to hear is the truth, even if it’s too much for the world to handle like the recent fact that we humans are made up of star dust. Really? Come on, people, star dust? At least you could have told us that we came from some plant or walked out of some mud pool years ago. Yet, the star dust thing does explain a lot on what we have highly attractive people in society, but that’s not the point!
Before I continue, my name is Frasier, and I’m 14 years old and have come to a conclusion that the baby origin myths must cease and desist because they give children the wrong idea of where things come from.
See, when I was little, my mom was playing with my new baby sister. They were having so much fun, mom was playing Peek-A-Boo with her and I couldn’t help but to giggle, here and there about it since I found it quite humorous at the time. But for some unknown reason, the question appeared in my mind and it kept on bothering me while I was playing with my Legos. I was trying to build a nice, cool looking house out of red Lego bricks, but still each time I go to build a wall, my baby sister would laugh and the thought came back to my cerebral imaging until I couldn’t take it.
So, I placed my bricks down and walked over to my mom. Well, at the time, it wasn’t a walk more like a waddle, my older sisters found it quite amusing in fact, but my parents thought that I would need leg braces, like the ones that Forrest Gump had when he was little.
Anyways, I waddled, walked to my mom, she looked at me with this big smile. Her lips stretched for almost check to check like the Joker, I kind of stopped a little because her smile, at the time, scared me and it still does. If you saw it, you’d understand what I mean.
“Look who’s here,” she said, happily to my sister, “its Frasier!”
She bobbled her pudgy baby face at me, it reminded me of pug’s scrunched up face, as she cooed. She had light brown hair and wore tan colored Winne-the-Pooh footie pajamas backwards. The reason for this was that she was a streakier, meaning that there are times that she runs around the house in her birthday suit like every baby does or was that just my family since I have 8 other sisters, and trust me, it is not all that glorious to live in a household with 8 sisters and you are the only male figure in the house beside your dad. You hear and pick up things that will make you regret life as your sisters grow older and start to develop “features”, but we will leave it at that for now.
“Hi,” I managed to say, I was shy as a child, I didn’t really know a whole lot and I was really nervous around people, but it could just be me being a kid who didn’t want to talk a whole lot.
My mom looked back at me while my sister continued to bobble and move around like one of those Weeble-Wobbles that you nudged and they wobble around until they stop being in motion. Isaac Newton’s toy when he was growing up. “What do you need, honey?”
Here was the moment of truth, there was no turning back from this, the answer was in her brain and I wanted it, I hungered for it, but at the same time, I didn’t want to know because my mom seemed like she was one of those moms who would flat out tell you the honest truth about things. I opened my mouth and summoned the words as best as I could and asked, “Mom, where do babies come from?”
She just looked at me with a blank stare, thinking it had seemed like, until the moment of truth came out from her lips, “Well, Frasier, babies come from a little seed that you plant in the ground. You give it water, feed it dirt, and after a few weeks, a baby comes out of the ground.”
What? Was that all? I mean, there has to be more to it. But wait a minute, I was in the ground? I was originally a seed? Well, that does explain why my parents told me I need to drink water all the time and why I love the dirt so much.
So, a week went by after trying to wrap my little mind around the idea, I tried to make a baby. Now, I didn’t know what kind of seed my parents used, so I improvised with a watermelon seed from the garden. I grabbed a large jar, pilled it up with some dirt, planted the seed, placed the jar near the window, and gave the seed some water.
I hoped that it would have worked, but by the second day my mom caught onto what I was doing and that was the end of my experimentation.
Years have passed now and I’m older and about to enter high school with a vastness of knowledge in mind, even the truth of where babies actually came from. But I would like to debunk the myths each one at a time.
The baby seed myth is flawed because we aren’t plants and we don’t use photosynthesis, we aren’t like tree people off of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Besides, according to scientists, we’re made up of star dust, in which I was hot mad, volcano mad, even tsunami mad when scientists made that information public, and it gave those religious junkies a stronger foothold on creation over evolution, not saying religion is bad or anything, but let’s go onto the next myth.
Baby market, no need to go into the fact that in most countries that those types are illegal and that’s why we have adoption those people who want to be parents but can’t because either they can’t acquire the means to reproduce, homosexuality, still living in their parent’s house in the basement with ten cats, or the fact they could look like main character from Disney’s Norte Dome. Plus, do I need to remind you that it’s highly illegal to acquire babies from the Black Market? No? Well, I’m glad to take that into consideration because once you get one of those Black Market babies, check to make sure the child is alive and also expect a notorious drug dealer to come into your home, asking to have your child because there is a bag of Colombian Bam-Bam in the child’s diaper.
So, okay, I’ll tell you the worst thing that is the most commonly used myth in where babies come from.
My favorite one, the stork myth. Here is the reason why I was saving this for last. See, A stork is a bird that weighs only 2.3 pounds and would kill itself trying to deliver a 9 pound baby to your house in the dead of night. That’s a suicide mission for the stork if the house happens to have dogs because dogs, in all respect, will eat anything, even your favorite tennis shoes and grandpa’s Viagra. Plus, how can the stork know where you live and know that the child is actually yours and not the guy from the next state over? If this stork was real, this would explain the high rise of divorce rate and the many court cases where Jamal is not the father. Honestly, this stork may need to just take an internship at UPS before delivering babies to the loving parents of the world. I just can’t believe that this myth was able to continue to live on, even when the cold hard facts of science viciously tore the graceful beauty of nature apart after we found out the dangerous forces that nature possessed
So, do I need to go into any more detail on where babies come from? I mean, the truth of where babies actually come from.
Well, here is the truth.
They are products after a mother and a father love each other too much and go “Opps”. In other words, your parents had sexual intercourse to create you and don’t you feel special that they thought about you. Yet, with the that being said, every living things is created through this method known as sex, and it seems to be still the biggest thing since humans have walked the earth.
So, babies do not come from watermelon seeds, get delivered by some stork who loves pain, but some people do get illegal drug babies that was taken away from some family in India because they couldn’t pay their loan, yet, it doesn’t matter which comes first whether its love or sex, you were created because of it and that should be enough, but I get the idea that children should be protect by the negative influences of the world, by shielding them with these fake myths to keep their innocence intact for as long as they can before they reach a certain age and begin to discover the truth.